and baby makes three

inadequate

2012-02-09T11:08:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was a rough day. Working with teenagers who are struggling emotionally/mentally/spiritually is a heart-wrenching, challenging job.

As I wrote that sentence, I actually erased it several times, trying to rewrite it to make it sound like I was feeling. That became impossible. The truth is, we are all struggling emotionally/mentally/spiritually to some degree. If we're not, then we're not growing. Growth is not easy. It's challenging. And it's rewarding. Every single day I'm reminded of that on a very, VERY big level. My struggle may not look like their struggle but it sure makes me feel inadequate some days. Like yesterday.

I am reminded of God's presence and unconditional love for me during every minute with these kids. I'm inspired, humbled, and in awe of this all-encompassing presence of our God. He is able to make changes in the lives of these hurting kids that blows my mind. Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

Steven Furtick said at a Leadership conference I attended last year: "If your vision is not intimidating to you, it is probably insulting to God." Today, may your faith be so audacious that you believe that every thing is possible. Every thing. I pray that you will believe bigger than you've ever believed, to the point that you look crazy-insane-out-of-your-mind-weird to the world. That, I believe, would be pleasing to God.

nighttime

2012-02-01T17:14:00.004-06:00

Every night, there is a bedtime routine with Will that goes like this:

1. Bath time. Will HATES bath. And I mean hates. Like worse than he hates the nose sucker.
2. Pick out P.J.'s. Will would rather wear his robe to bed. Sometimes we let him cause it's so darn cute.
3. Jason and/or I read Will anywhere between one and seven thousand books. Current favorites: Tickle Monster Book/Kit, I Love you Stinky Face, and Goodnight Moon. Will likes the one about trucks :)
4. Turn on turtle night light.
5. Turn on calming music.
6. Turn off lamp.
7. Bitty Baby Prayer Time. I've started consistently asking Will who he wants to pray for. Before now, I have just been saying a prayer for him out loud and at the end when I say "Amen" he agrees and says "Amy". Apparently he thinks we pray to the daycare lady, Amy. Now, Will has a list of about 100 people he wants us to pray for. Not literally 100, but the list goes like this: Mommy, Daddy, Will, Izzy, Grandma, Grandma, Grandpa, Kevin, Theresa, Eric, Mommy, Daddy, Will, Izzy, Sonny...you get the picture. Some people need extra prayers, I guess. It's uber sweet and inspires us to be the best spiritual guides for him possible.
8. "Mommy Back". This is the point in the nighttime routine where Will will ONLY let me rub his back. Not daddy. Apparently mommy has special skills. I'm fine with that. As is Jason who usually goes and watches some kind of wrestling show that I wouldn't normally watch with him.

That's it. Not sure what inspired me to write a post about our nighttime. Other than it's one of my favorite parts of the day. My sweet boy and his prayer list. I'm one blessed mama bear.

Updates and random thoughts

2012-01-08T21:06:00.002-06:00

So, one month out from my surgery and I'm down 42 pounds. I am so, so, so happy with this decision!!! Most of the feedback has been incredible from friends. I so appreciate the love and support. Some people want me to focus on what I've gained rather than what I've lost. Here's the truth, people. I have battled for 33 years my weight. And, I mean battled. Been bullied severly...been through therapy...physically struggled with pain throughout my body, moreso than anyone except Jason really knows about. Chronic pain in my back, hips, knees, shoulders, etc. All due to my physical weight and all.completely.gone...because of what I've LOST. Clearly, I have gained a lot. Clearly. But, for now, I ask to revel in, bask in, rejoice in, even roll around in what I have lost. My life and my family's life will be forever changed. And it just keeps getting better. I'm a loser and I love it.

Randomness

1. Have everything set for private practice. Files, paperwork, place. Now I need clients :) I'll be working in Overland Park so if you know anyone in need, send 'em my way!

2. I found a house that Jason and I love. Farmhouse, two acres, barn, four bedrooms, one and a half bath, close to our price range, half way between my work and Jason's work. Problem...we have a very specific debt-reduction plan than doesn't end until June. Sadness.

3. Did you know that I seriously want to own land and have a couple of goats, some chickens, a big garden, and huge family gatherings in the backyard like they do on Parenthood. Did you know that? See #2. I must trust God's timing. Jason reminded me of that today. This house just came for sale yesterday and it isn't exactly move in ready for most people. Maybe it will still be available when the summer comes around. Brooke K...if you read this...I'm already planning an all-white country kitchen with wrought-iron accents and lanterns. You would be proud!

4. My grandmother passed away on New Year's Eve. She was a saint. I miss her terribly.

5. I think my feet have shrunk, too. Shoes are loose and won't tighten anymore and they are lace-ups. Strange, huh?

6. Jason is a talented fire starter. So thankful for that!!

7. Had my mother-in-law and her father-in-law over for dinner tonight. Made a shrimp boil and it was awesome. Best food since my surgery. Three shrimp, one baby potato, and half an ear of corn. Delicious and stuffed. My teeny-tiny stomach is happy now.

8. Will is still an angel boy. Tonight, I found him passed out in bed with his nightlight shining in his face. It's a turtle that glows with stars onto the ceiling. So, Will had stars all over his face. He also had six books surrounding him. Think he's gonna need a bigger bed.

9. Jason and I are slowly pursuing adoption. I sometimes fantasize about meeting a pregnant coffee girl who wants me to raise her baby. Hasn't happened...yet. We are gonna need more babies to fill our farmhouse and to mow our lawn. See #2. ;)

best.birthday.ever

2011-12-11T09:19:00.003-06:00

This birthday is different. It is not focused on where I will eat my birthday dinner, which birthday dessert I will choose, what presents I will get. I confess, I have been very selfish when it comes to my birthdays. Entitled, even.

This year is different. Family is coming over. Friends are visiting. There will be no cake. There will be minimal food (for me, anyways). There will (apparently) be a ton of pain. But most importantly, there is such hope. Hope of finally shedding pounds in the coming year. Hope of releasing a burden that has plagued me for 33 years. THIS IS THE BIGGEST AND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I'VE EVER GIVEN MYSELF!! I can't even fathom what is to come. Can't.even.fathom.

I'm in quite a bit of pain this morning. Enough that we're not going to church. Our church family has become very important to us, to our marriage. We have some church-hurts that have happened throughout our marriage that kept us away for a while. It's comforting to have found an awesome church home here in Independence.

Despite the pain, I am happy. I believe I have been happy for a long time but this kind of happiness is new to me. It is one that has been slow-roasted, marinated, and dripping in awesome-sauce. That kind of hope. It's fascinating.

The scale. The scale helps on days like today that feel particularly impossible in regards to pain. I'm down 23 pounds. I had gained some of my weight back after surgery since they pump you so full of fluids. So, since this journey started two weeks ago, I have lost 23 pounds. Is that insane? I've almost lost Will's entire body weight!

I have been so blessed. I think having less focus on the "whats, whens, wheres" of my birthday, has opened me up to the who's and the why's. Who's: I am blessed beyond belief by friends and family. Endless messages checking how I'm doing, food being delivered for Jason by my work family on a daily basis, visitors who don't expect me to be a good hostess or to have a clean house when they drop by. Why's: I don't doubt the love God has for me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me God has big plans for me, plans for hope and a purpose. This has been my favorite verse for 15 years. Today, I get it. I believe it. I understand it.

Thank you, friends, for your support. Your text messages, emails, Facebook posts, cards, emails...mean the world to me. I love you all so much (all five of you who read this :)

Much love,

home sweet home

2011-12-09T11:37:00.003-06:00

Well, surgery is over. Man, I was NOT expecting this pain AT ALL! I know everyone's different in how they respond. Apparently, I respond in lots of pain. BUT, it's getting better everyday. Highlights/Lowlights:

1. Apparently, when my mother-in-law went to get something to eat Wednesday night, I asked her to bring me back two pairs of chopsticks. Strange. I'm on a liquid diet for now...absolutely NO need for chopsticks. Must have been the meds. Funny, huh?

2. I can now stand and sit without help. Woop Woop!!

3. Since Tuesday evening, I have eaten about 4 tablespoons of liquids (broth, sugar free jello). Isn't it crazy?!

4. Jason and his mom are currently eating pizza. I realized today that I have had absolutely zero cravings. Mind-blowing!

5. Before, during, and after my surgery, I continued to get texts from my co-workers letting me know I was being prayed for. They also sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

Feeling very loved.

That's it. Just wanted to update you a bit.

One Week

2011-11-30T21:25:00.003-06:00

In one week my life will change pretty dramatically and I can.not.wait!!!

This past week has been a challenge but not at all the kind I thought it would be. I've done it. It's been worth it. I've been supported. Friends who have been texting me, please know that means SO much to me. Please don't stop. I'll need continued support even following the surgery.

Today, I met with the surgeon and he was elated that I had already lost 11 pounds in one week! I asked him, "Is there *any* other food I can eat, even pudding, maybe yogurt, a biscuit, ANYTHING?!?!" I was expecting a firm "no" or maybe an "absolutely, if you don't want to have the surgery". I wasn't hopeful and then he said it. The word I didn't expect to hear. I can still hear it in slow motion. "sssssuuuuurrrreeeee". I'msorrywhat? Excuse me? Como se what? Did you say "sure". Seriously!?! Apparently, he was so happy with my 11 pounds that he feels I can add have a few actual meals (high protein, low fat) between now and next Wednesday. Oh.my.word. Who knew a stinkin' chicken breast would mean so much? Ahhh. So, after church tonight I picked up a few Kentucky Grilled Chicken wings. I bought three, didn't want to overdo it. I ate one and had had enough. That was all I needed. I can't believe this will soon be the story of my life.

Michelle Worley: Livin' life one chicken wing at a time :)

Things I could use prayer for:

1. Anxiety about getting everything caught up at work so that I can leave for the week following my surgery without the pressure of paperwork left behind. Saturday I'm spending the ENTIRE day at Panera doing paperwork. 12 hours. Intense.

2. I'm helping plan a Spiritual Retreat for students and staff at Shelterwood Monday and Tuesday. My surgery is Wednesday so the timing is perfect. I have a LOT to do to be ready for the retreat. On top of the paperwork, it's causing some stress but I'm really excited for the retreat.

That's it. I'm ready to go. Oh my oh my. So excited!!

beginning of cranky

2011-11-23T10:14:00.002-06:00

Today begins the countdown to my surgery...TWO WEEKS AWAY!! While that is grand and great and lovely and exciting it also means today starts my two-week liver reduction diet. I think I posted about that last time. Essentially, this is a liquid diet consisting of ONLY water, decaffinated tea, crystal light, bariatric protein shakes, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles, and chicken broth. No thanksgiving dinner for me this year but LOTS of thanksgiving. I've already faced Lamar's Donuts this morning and didn't cave. The truth is, caving would make the surgery date impossible. The goal is to reduce the size of my liver, making the surgery technically easier for the surgeon. And I certainly want the surgery to be easy for the surgeon. Amen? Amen!

This morning was my mother-in-law's retirement party. They served Lamar's Donuts, as mentioned above. Then I went to Hyvee to order her a retirement cake for her 2nd retirement party tonight. There are going to be ENDLESS amounts of deliciousness over the course of the next two weeks. Is it worth it to miss out on all the fun holiday foods. AB-SO-LUT-ELY. 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT WORTH IT. I can't even fathom the changes that are about to take place in my life. What a blessing and what a FANTASTIC birthday present to myself.

December 7th can't come soon enough!

december 7

2011-11-09T13:25:00.002-06:00

I thought about titling this blog "the day which will change my life" but that day occurred in the summer of 1996 when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. On December 7, 2011, just four days before my 34th birthday, I will undergo a surgery which will dramatically change my life: how I literally live my day to day life, how I will be able to relate to others, how I will be able to play with my son and how I will be able to be...well, just be. This surgery will change my very being. Yesterday, I scheduled my gastric sleeve surgery. December 7.

On November 23, I start a liquid diet (purpose to reduce the size of my liver and make the surgery technically easier for the surgeon. In case you didn't immediately realize, this is the day before Thanksgiving. I do not find it random that God would have the surgery scheduled so that November 23 would be the first day of this liquid diet. I have no ill-conceived notions that this will be easy. Liquid diet while I'm preparing a fantastic dinner for family and friends, increased financial worry, surgery days before my birthday which would usually be spent going out to eat with family and friends will now be spent drinking liquid birthday cake. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it, too :)

I think of the word sacrifice and that does not define what I'm about to welcome into my life. The struggle will not be these next few months of my life nor the lifetime after where food can no longer be an important part of my social life. The struggle has happened for the past 33 years. The bullying, the physical handicap that obesity has caused. This has been a struggle. Yes, I am prepared to eat my words after the surgery, pun intended. I know that grief will come and, although I am currently so excited about this surgery, I know I will have days that I may even regret it. The psychologist, doctor, friends/family, and nutritionist have warned me about the grief. I know this is a reality. I MUST keep in mind the big picture.

Lord, I pray that this surgery will not only impact my life but those around me. I pray that I will be more available and that the physical restrictions on my life right now will vanish. VANISH!! Lord, use me in any way you see fit. Thank you for providing this possibility for me. Lord, when life gets tough and when I grieve the loss of this relationship with food, please bring tangible things/people into my life that will remind me of the big picture. Thank you for open doors. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Stream of Consciousness

2011-10-19T12:13:00.002-05:00

I just read Pioneer Woman's blog and was inspired to write a Laura-ish/Pioneer Woman-wish blog with random thoughts/stream of consciousness. Clear as mud?

1. I am sitting in Panera Bread with their free Wi-Fi. Supposed to be working but found my way to my blog. I guess this is called a lunch break? Whatever that is.

2. I am close to the date for scheduling my surgery. I am overwhelmed (in a good way) daily with thoughts of what my life will be like post-surgery. Sometimes this brings me to tears, even right now I'm overcome with excitement. I've decided to send my surgeon a "thank-you-in-advance" card. I'm going to pick one up today.

3. Panera has yummy soup. I LOVE soup. I remember the surprise party Jason threw for me for my 30th birthday. He planned everything to the "T". It was a soup and dessert party. There were several kinds of soup. He smelled like soup when he picked me up from school the day of my party. I remember the smile on his face. It was sweet. I LOVE soup....and Jason :)

4. We are getting ready to go on a long-weekend getaway to celebrate our 11-year anniversary, which is Friday. I can't wait! Heading to St. Louis for a few days of museums and fancy food. Then going to wine country in Missouri for some Octoberfest celebration and staying at a B&B. My brother-in-law graciously got us a VERY discounted room at the Hilton in St. Louis. Tre Fancy!! YAY!! Will is spending the weekend with my family. We are mailing him a gift while we're away: a 2-foot Ugly Doll. He's going to LOVE it.

5. I LOVE my job. Can I say LOVE enough? I mean it. Yesterday, as I was leaving, one of my teen clients, who has experienced trauma that would keep you awake at night cursing mankind said (actually yelled across a room of people) to me, "Thank you for loving me, Michelle". She is a miracle. She has gone from not trusting people AT ALL to being able to acknowledge that someone loves her in front of her peers. I am so very blessed. I believe, I know, this is my mission field. I can't help but be in love with this work. God is amazing in his plans. Even through trauma, God is present.

That's all. I suddenly am without words. Plus, Panera only allows 30 minutes of free Wi-Fi during peak lunch hours.

Michelle out.

decisions, decisions

2011-10-11T21:18:00.002-05:00

Had an appointment with the bariatric surgeon yesterday. Lots of decisions made although there are more to be made. What we know "for sure":

1. I am going to plan to have the surgery done this year, maybe even next month!

2. Have to secure medical loan for $12,000. Doesn't that just sound fun? Donations accepted :)

3. EGD scheduled for this Thursday. Basically, they are going to stick a scope down my throat to check out my stomach and make sure all is ok. Doesn't that sound loverly? Um, no. Especially when they have to ask you questions like "do you have a living will" and makes statements like "make sure you have someone who will be with you for 12 full hours after the procedure". Thanks, that makes me feel comfortable. I'm more nervous about this procedure than I am the actual surgery!! Prayers welcomed.

4. November 4th...scheduled for psychological evaluation and appointment with nutritionist. I'm actually looking forward to this day.

5. Tomorrow I'm going to call and schedule the surgery date. I will be in the hospital less than 24 hours start to finish. One week of recovery. Then I'm "done"! There are little complications with Gastric Sleeve (which is the procedure I've decided on after meeting with the surgeon and talking a LOT with Jason). Doc said he has performed this surgery on close friends who he goes to dinner with and said you can hardly tell except that he eats 1/3rd of what Doc eats.

6. Prepare for brutal honesty....Doc said I can expect to lose 80% of my excess body weight. Keep in mind that is based on the 120 pounds that a 5'7" person "should" weight. He said I'd probably lose around 175 pounds. That is 1.75 New Kids on the Block.

7. First thing I will do the second it is possible: plan my trip to World's of Fun. Who's with me?!?!?!?!?!

8. Next step: start day-dreaming about the clothes I will get to wear. At my current weight, my style is largely determined for me. Not anymore, baby!! I have no idea what my style might be. Do you know I'm going to probably weight less than I did in the 6th grade! Since I probably won't dress like I did in the 6th grade, I'm going to have to start researching styles I like. How exciting! Gonna need help!!

Anxious is a good word for how I'm feeling.

today

2011-09-28T23:05:00.001-05:00

So, after my mostly informative and detached blog yesterday, I am an emotional mess today. I'm so sad about this news and was in "fix-it" gear yesterday. Today, not so much. I'm just sad. I don't know what else to say. It's heart breaking. I want more babies. So badly. This is hard.

hmm

2011-09-27T19:57:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm not sure what to title this blog. Found out today that I have Mosaic Turner's Syndrome. TS is a chromosomal condition that describes girls and women with common features that are caused by complete or partial absence of the second sex chromosome. If you are familiar with Turner's Syndrome (TS), you will likely know that I do not have any of the physical features of this condition. I just learned about this all today so I couldn't tell you much other than people with TS generally are short in stature, may have some problems with intellectual functioning, and often have premature ovarian cancer. MOSAIC Turner's Syndrome is different. All I understand right now is this:

1. This has caused my miscarriages.
2. It is likely that I will have difficulty carrying a baby to term.
3. If I was able to get pregnant and make it to the second trimester I have a much better chance of having a full term baby.
4. If I got pregnant with a girl, her chances of Turner's Syndrome (not Mosaic, but full TS) are great.
5. Will is a miracle.

That's how I understand it now. I know that I'm pretty overwhelmed with the news and maybe don't understand all the details. The Fertility Specialist suggested I see a geneticist to see if this condition lies only within my blood. If it does, then fertility treatment could be helpful. If it doesn't, I don't know.

What does this mean? I don't know.

How am I feeling? I don't know.

So many things flood my mind, hence the blog post tonight.

Adoption? I don't know.

I am praying, no, I am listening and watching as God opens and closes doors as he so often does in our lives. I pray that I am available to God's guidance, that I will hear and trust the direction he leads us. I don't know how many miscarriages I can go through. If I knew that #4 above was not a possibility, I think I could go through more miscarriages with the hope of another baby.

I'm out of words.

needed: $18,000

2011-09-16T20:39:00.003-05:00

So, I've decided something pretty big. I have not decided this lightly and I have not decided this without going to THE decision maker who knows every decision before it is even in the "to be considered" box. Ok. Here goes nothing. I'm pursuing bariatric surgery. That's hard to say because 1) My insurance will not cover the procedure and 2) out of pocket cost is $18,000...hence the title of this blog. Pretty clever title, huh?

So many questions that need answers and answers that need questions before surgery is scheduled. SUCH a long to-do list. And, lucky you, you get to enter the dangerous arena of my brain as I vomit all of these onto this blog. You are welcome.

Random-ish thoughts: Part One

1. Must figure out how to make more money. Something I've been considering for a while is some private practice work on the side. One night of 4-5 clients per week would bring in more than enough money for the surgery...and I'd be able to pay it off in a year if I was very focused. This, I think, is a good plan. God has opened a lot of doors to make this a possibility. My clinical supervisor has been gently nudging (aka harassing) me to do this (referring clients to me ALL THE TIME). I have a few things to do before I can do private practice work but I believe I have a space to work from so it's a matter of getting liability insurance and a few office type supplies (credit card reader, etc) and calling people. What am I waiting for?!?!

2. I still want to appeal my insurance company's denial of coverage. It's a LOOOOONG shot but I have a letter of recommendation from my primary care doc so it's worth the shot!

3. I have done a BUTT LOAD (pun intended) of research. There are three bariatric surgeries done at the KC Bariatric Center. 1) Lap-band...not interested but willing to listen if doc feels it's the best option. I don't believe it is, too much follow up that is needed for adjustments and those will all be out of pocket on top of the out of pocket. Kinda like jeans from the '80s...just a little much. 2) Gastric Bypass...very interested, very expensive ($18,000). "Simply" reduces the size of your stomach. Big side effects: dumping syndrome which occurs when the undigested contents of your stomach are "dumped" into your small intestine too rapidly, causing nausea and vomiting and diarrhea, OH MY! Still with me? Lastly, 3) Gastric Sleeve....this one I didn't know much about until I started researching. KC Bariatric center has a special ($12,000)...not sure if that should make me uncomfortable or not...anyways, Gastric Sleeve is like gastric bypass except they actually remove the extra part of your stomach (unlike gastric bypass where that part stays in your body, which actually grosses me out to think of a loose stomach just hanging around. What if...nevermind. *shutter* ANYWHOOOOOO...where was I? Oh, yes. Removing part of my stomach. Yes. This surgery drastically reduces the amount of food you’re able to ingest so you feel fuller with much less food, making the restricted caloric intake easier. ALSO, since that part of the stomach is removed, dumping syndrome (from what I read) is less likely. ALSO, and this is big...The part of the stomach removed is largely responsible for producing a hormone called Ghrelin, which is responsible for feelings of hunger. With much of the stomach removed and the hormones responsible for feeling hunger reduced, I will feel full much longer after eating and become hungry less frequently. This is good. Ok. So much info and I'm STILL excited. Anyone else excited with me?

So, why I have decided to do this? This is the part where you should stop reading unless you're ok with some brutal honesty and vulnerability. I'm kind of anxious about writing this. Here goes nothin':

1. I have carried around with me a physical from when I was 12 years old that says lists my weight as 206.5 pounds. Two hundred and six and a half pounds at twelve years old. I feel like I could stop there and people would understand. Can you imagine what it's like for a 12 year old to weigh 206 pounds? The bullying and depression that came with that was unbearable at times and came with dark thoughts that no 12 year old should ever posses. No wonder I am drawn to work with teens with depression, anxiety, etc. I get it, I mean, I REALLY get it.

*I have such a strong voice inside of me telling me to stop and not go on but I've started and think it is important for my friends to know why this is so important and crucial for me. It is potentially a life-saving procedure as the risks that come with obesity are life-threatening. I feel I have dodged the bullet long enough*

2. I carry an excess of 150 pounds of extra weight on my body. That is another person. I believe I have been given mercy by God that I've avoided many health problems that come with obesity (diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, chronic pain, etc).

3. There are many critics of bariatric surgery. I do not view it as the answer but rather a tool that will help me get healthy. There is nothing easy about meat smoothies (pureed meats are on the menu for a few weeks...I like to call them meat smoothies), changing everything about how you view food. I think there is a popular belief that obese people are binge eaters, people who sit around eating whole containers of cookies and ice cream for a snack. This is not me. I do not have binge eating disorder. I love food, I love good food, I love to cook and to bake and to celebrate with food. This is going to be the hard part...I will have to find new ways to celebrate with people I love other than baking for them and organizing everything around what we will eat. This is not the easy way out. I have a voice in my head that says, "Why don't you just try one pound at a time?" Guess what? I've been trying to lose one pound at a time for 25 years. I'm ready for some help and believe, through prayer, and research, and personal discussions with friends and family who have undergone this surgery, that this will help me achieve my dream.

4. What it's like to be obese that skinny people don't always know: 1) You can't ride roller coasters. Until right now, Jason is the only person in my life who knows how desperately I love the thrill of a roller coaster. Out of embarrassment I tell people I'm afraid of them. The truth is, I cannot fit in the seats. That's the truth. How I long for the day for a trip to World's of Fun or any amusement park without limitations...there will be a day!! 2) I worry every time I go to a restaurant that I there will be arm chairs and can't even explain the anxiety that causes. 3) Airplane seats. Enough said.

5. I want to be alive for a long time. A LONG time.

6. I want to have nice clothes that look nice on me.

7. I want to run. I have always wanted to be a runner. I've dreamed about going on a run with my friend Mendy and kicking her bootie. Just thinking about running releases some endorphins for me. It is SO exciting to me just the thought of running! If nothing else, I want to be able to walk as fast as Tiffany Classen. :)

Ok. There it is. Please, if you have read this, please pray for this journey. This is not just a random thought. It is one I have labored over and am ready for. I am NOT financially ready for this but feel that I can be with some hard work and feel if this is God's plan that doors will continue to open as they have been. My goal right now is to finish the prep work (getting private practice work started, start saving that money, follow through with appeal process just in case, apply for financial assistance for the surgery, put together dream outfits on Gap Website, etc) by the end of the year. My gut says January will be a perfect time for surgery. What better way to start the new year than with a new body?!

I'm going to continue blog about this journey. I have not felt more confident in this decision than I do right now. At the end of this blog. I am content and ready and will need more support than any of you know. I have told several people (family and friends) about this and have a lot of local support. My work supports me, my family, my friends, the lady at the Walgreens check out lane whom I randomly started a conversation with and can't remember why except that I was SO excited and had been doing a lot of praying that day. She was excited for me. It's kind of contagious when people are so excited, as I am.

*deep breath*

Love you all.

TWO!

2011-08-28T22:13:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it but my little bundle just turned two. TWO! We had a birthday party for him yesterday and it was overall a big success, other than him not napping and nearly falling asleep on his amazing birthday cake (insert ad for http://www.portercakes.com/). I posted a picture below of the awesome that was Will's cake. I say "was" because, well, I think you get the jest :) We had water fun, cake, black cows (root beer floats with chocolate syrup and whipped cream), lots of balloons, too many gifts, lots of family time, and only a mini breakdown by yours truly...it was fantastic. Some pics:

potty-training

2011-06-14T19:51:00.002-05:00

So, I'm pretty sure Will is potty-trained. This is crazy talk to me, as he is only 21-months old. I, being a first-timer (on the training side, not the pottying side) had very little clue about how to proceed. First of all, there are the boy parts. Do I train him to stand up and pee or sit down and pee? Food rewards vs. non-food rewards? Fancy potty chair vs. hole-in-the-ground? Naked training (him, not me) vs. pull-ups. After much research by both myself and Jason, we decided to go nearly cold turkey. Diapers only at nights.

Oye-vay. Not sure I was ready, but we were pretty positive Will was ready. How we knew:

1. He started to consistently use the potty sign we had taught him. Hand in a fist and twist wrist back and forth. He was using this as he pee'd in his diaper and our daycare lady used it everytime she brought him to the potty chair.

2. He was dry after all naps and after 12 hours of sleeping at night.

3. He didn't like being in a wet diaper (but this has been the case for most of his life).

Ok. He was ready, but were we? We decided to give it a go. To be honest, I really was not convinced it would work but was willing since our daycare lady was convinced he was ready.

Here was the plan of attack:

One Month Prior to Memorial Day Weekend:

Diapers 100% of the time. Brought Will to potty chair many times a day. Our daycare lady was awe-some. She brought him to the chair every hour on the hour. We did as well as we could on the weekend but were not nearly as consistent as she was. Daycare lady said, "When you're ready to be trained, Will is ready". Oh, this is about me. I get it. And I found out it really was a lot about training me to be consistent and patient, two things I am not great at.

Memorial Three-Day Weekend:

We planned nothing but potty-training. Stocked up on cute little boy undies (briefs and boxer-briefs, the boy should have options), no pull-ups were ever purchased. Potty chair in the living room, carpet cleaner on hand. Then we stood watch. Whenever he pee'd, we swooped him up and brought him to the potty chair, being pee'd all over along the way. After day 1 I'd say he was starting to connect the potty chair with whatever was happening "down under". Every time he pottied on the chair, he got M&M's. I did find out later (like this weekend) that Jason has been giving him about 15 M&M's whenever he went on the potty. I've been giving him, like, 3. Poor boy ;)

Day 2: same story.

Day 3: same story except by this time he was starting to walk to the potty and sit down and go. Sometimes he made it, sometimes he didn't.

From that point on, he was in undies except during bed. For the past few weeks, Will has been consistently dry after waking up in the morning and has had 1-2 accidents during the day. Two night ago, I decided to go all-the-way, baby! No diapers at night. He's been dry both mornings and has pee'd like a race horse (on the potty) right when he wakes up! He has had one accident in the past three days and continues to use his potty sign to tell us he has to go. I was anxious the first few times he used it while we were driving but he's been able to hold it.

THIS IS CRAZY! He is only 21-months old. What can I say? My boy's a genius.

Just so proud. And, honestly, I'm proud of myself and Jason, too! I can't tell you how mentally exhausting Memorial Day weekend was. I was SO ready for work on Tuesday, let me tell ya! But, I see the horizon. Not sure when I can "officially" say he's potty-trained. All I know is we're so proud....and ready for baby #2! Better get busy!

No wasted sorrows

2011-05-25T17:47:00.003-05:00

There are 8 graduations at Shelterwood this week. EIGHT! Whew. God is doing amazing things at this place. Have I told you how much I love it? Basically, they'll have to wheel me out of there. I mean, I am in. I'M. IN. I believe God has positioned me at this place at this time for a reason. I don't know that my faith has ever been stronger. I also don't know if the challenges have ever been greater. It's exhausting work. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically, at times. And day after day I can't wait to go to work.

So, back to the graduations. For those that don't know, Shelterwood is a Christian Therapeutic Boarding School. Kids don't just stay there for a few months. They are there for at least 8 months. At least. That's a long time and a LOT of work happens during that time. You (they) can make surface changes in a few months. You know, the "slap a bandaid on the problem and it will go away" kind of fix. Yea, that doesn't really work for the long term. We call those first-order changes in my world. Those happen all the time in life. Even in my life.

I'm talkin' about real big, life-altering, generation-changing, change. Second-order change. The best kind of all change. The kind that digs below the surface. Below the baggage. Below the stuff (or poop as one of my girls and I refer to it). That kind. God change. During one of the parent's speeches she said, "God doesn't waste our sorrows." I.LOVE.THAT. I'm bringing that with me, tucking it in my pocket, and marinating in it like a big fat Kansas beef steak. MAR-I-NA-TING. SOAKIN' IT IN, BABY! I just left that graduation and have probably repeated it about, oh, a thousand times in my head already. I had to share.

Say it again.

GOD DOESN'T WASTE OUR SORROWS.

All the crap that the world offers, all the struggles in our lives, all the heart ache. They are for a purpose. I know, like many, I can quote Jeremiah 29:11. God has plans for us, plans for hope, a future, not to harm us. I believe that. It's my favorite verse. But to be reminded that God doesn't waste the crap that we experience is kind of life altering for me. I kind of feel like, well, like I have graduated. Like I'm going to close one chapter of my life and move on. Moving away from friends I've had for almost a decade has been hard to say the least. I have felt lost without them. I have been sorrowful at times. Guess what I'm going to say next. Yep. God doesn't waste our sorrows.

I'm not really sure what else to say. I guess I'm ready to let some of the past go. Some of the crap that I've held onto. The mistakes I've made. God is using them right now. I don't have to be held captive to mistakes I've made or that others have made against me. I am free and it feels good, baby!

randomness

2011-04-14T08:34:00.004-05:00

So, in Laura-fashion, I thought I'd do a random blog. They are always my favorite to read! So, here I go:

1. I am loving my job!! Honestly, there was a part of me that thought I'd only stay here until we had a second baby and then find somewhere closer to Johnson County. And, much to my dismay, I love it too much to do that. I've transformed my office into a space that I want to be in. I need a little more art on the walls and my diplomas but other than that I'm GOLDEN! Feeling very blessed to be surrounded by so many authentic Christians.

2. Our old computer died and we really didn't have money for a new one. We decided that IF we get tax money back we would spend whatever amount of money we got on a computer. We weren't expecting any tax return but ended up with enough for a huge (and I mean HUGE) Apple computer. 27 inches of (only slightly) impulse spending :) I cannot WAIT to start doing some photo editing on this baby! Oh, and I should probably admit something. Last night, which was it's first night out of the box (it being the computer of course :), I almost spilled chocolate milk all over it. I'm pretty sure that's God's way of saying I shouldn't be drinking chocolate milk every night.

3. Speaking of chocolate milk, I have GOT to get back on the eating healthy wagon. It's so hard when my day is so packed full! Eating quick processed meals is so much easier! Actually, that's a cop out. It's really not. Eating healthy just takes prep time which I don't do. So, this weekend when I go shopping it will be veggies and lean, healthy meats. It's ON. And, I'm going to look into Zumba classes. We don't really have money for it but I know that dancing is an exercise I don't really get tired of. Boy, how I wish Tiffany would start teaching dance classes again. That was the BEST!!

4. Book Club. So, my friend Kellie invited me to her book club. Here's what I know for sure after leaving it: 1. I'm old (which was confirmed by all the waiters and waitresses at the restaurant). That's a long story I will tell if you'd like. 2. You can't have too much Glace Artisan Ice Cream. and 3. Mi lika the pina colada 4. We don't really talk about books :)

5. Excited about Easter Weekend! Going to have family pics taken. Pretty sure last time that happened I was in diapers. Or close :)

6. I like to use smiley faces too much :) :) :)

7. So, I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution the other night. Has anyone else watched that? It's REALLY disturbing!! Truly. I learned how ground beef is processed (outside of my uncle's farms). I can't eat it anymore. Nope. Won't do it. I guess that will help aid #3 above.

8. For years I have been buying boot leg jeans cause I will NOT wear those skinny leg jeans. That would not be pretty. The lady at Lane Bryant told me I should try the "simply straight" jeans. She was oh-so-cute and very fashionable. Kind of like a plus-size version of Tiffany now that I think about it. So, I gave in and tried them. Can you say "I'll take one in every color"? I LOVE them!!! I'll be wearing them to the next KGR weekend so watch out ladies!!

9. I really need a vacation. I'm planning a trip to Wichita at the end of May but I'm pretty sure (as fun as it will be to see everyone) that will not be the vacation I need. I need relax, no cell phones, no computers, no clients kind of vacation. Maybe for our 11-year anniversary in October since we never had our 10-year anniversary vacation to Italy that we always talked about!

10. Oh, OUR HOUSE SOLD! Did you all know that? It's a pretty big deal to have that extra cash to put aside every month for a new house. Unfortunately, the little equity we had in the house is going to pay off debt but that's also very exciting! We will be in the red. Or black. Or white. Wherever we are supposed to be, that's where we are! YAY!

11. Living with Sandy is going really well. She and Will are really growing close which I LOVE. So happy that this is all working out.

12. All in all, I'm doing good and loving life right now. Need to get a few things on track but if life was perfect, I'd be in Heaven

Love y'all,

the waiting game

2011-02-16T12:07:00.003-06:00

Well, since the last time I posted I have had a second interview at Shelterwood, the Christian Therapeutic Boarding School where I am interested in working. This place is pretty incredible. They are flexible in their treatment approaches, meeting the teenagers where they are. They do missions outside of the facility, volunteering, trips to other countries, etc. I'm really excited about the possibility but am completely at ease knowing that it is in God's hands. Feels good not to worry. I told them that, too, that as much as I want to work there that I trust that they will listen to and be guided by God when deciding. Ahhh.

The downside of this job, the only one I have found, is that employees are required to live within 30 minutes of their facility, making Johnson County out of the question. Again, God's hands.

In the meantime, I'm still having fun with Will at home! I've been cooking a lot of really great meals at home, finding games to play with him that will challenge his little ever-growing mind, and lots of snuggle time. I love how empathetic he is! He's really understanding when someone is sad or in pain and is so loving and gentle with them. I'm surprised that he's able to do this already. Not sure if that is advanced or not but I like to think so!

That's all for now. I should hear back from Shelterwood in the next week or so! Things will move fast from there. OH! Another fantastic thing about Shelterwood...you can wear jeans every day. Oh. Yea. OH YEA!! :)

job interview!

2011-01-31T22:38:00.003-06:00

Well, well, well. Guess who has an interview? Yep, you're looking at her! ME! Shelterwood. It is a Christian Therapeutic Boarding School. I'm really excited about it. Prayers would be MUCH appreciated. Anywho, that's all on the job front.

Jason and I are getting ready for the big church hunt. I'm not a fan of looking for a new church. Jason and I have some pretty different likes/dislikes about churches. More prayers? Yes? Yes!

So, what else? How about I just end it there...with some cute pics of snow-play that Will and I had outside last week. Love ya!

A change will do you good?

2011-01-21T13:28:00.003-06:00

We've all heard those lyrics "a change will do you good". Well, Sheryl, I hope you're right. The last time this big of a change happened (moving from city to city), I went through a very dark time in my life. Part of my anxiety about moving has been fear that what happened last time will repeat itself. I kept telling myself, as did Jason, I am different now, I am changed. Nevertheless, I worried. And I worried. And I got sick. And more worried. And, here I am. I am happy. I'M HAPPY! I can't believe it. I desperately miss my Wichita friends and cannot WAIT to reconnect with them soon but I'm truly happy within myself, by myself. So maybe Sheryl was right.

So, now what? Right now I'm just looking for the right job. I am truly giving it a valient effort. Applying everywhere I know of, talking to people in the area, networking. But, I'll be honest. I'm LOVING this gig.

LOVING IT. Now, only having one car will be interesting but this week we have been snowed in. This kid is pretty freakin' awesome. He's still on his normal 6:30-7:30 sleeping schedule, eats like a champ, and is SO ticklish that it makes momma so happy :) Love that boy.

So, next on the agenda is to reconnect with my KC friends and I'm so excited about the ease of doing that now. Already have a KG brunch/road trip planned next weekend sans kids which will be what the doctor ordered. Actually, I don't have a doctor. I should get on that :)

That's all for now, friends. Back to tickle my boy. The "armit tickle monster" is the WORST according to Will. He will be stopped! Bwahahahahahahaha...oh, this life is pretty freakin' awesome. And, I don't have ANY paperwork. Ahhhh....

twelve months, twelve things

2010-08-25T09:18:00.005-05:00

I can't believe how fast the past year has gone. Exactly one year ago today, I was in the middle of the most difficult, joyful, exciting, anxiety-provoking, life-changing, mind-altering experience of my life. Can't even begin to express in words the joy this little man has brought into life.

one: he has the cutest little crawl he does. when he doesn't feel like he's going fast enough, he brings one leg out to the side and does a sort of crab crawl.

two: loves all foods including, to my demise, celery YUCK! So happy he's a good eater

three: consistently sleeping through the night

four: he's such a ladies man...tween girls cannot get enough of this little handsome man

five: has a new way to say he's hungry. opens his mouth and smacks his lips together and makes a little mwah mwah noise

six: took his first steps a few days ago but still prefers crawling/cruising...if he's anything like his uncle, he will skip walking and head straight for running. God, help us!

seven: loves the sounds of his voice, especially his screaming voice. Cracks him up.

eight: prefers being outside to inside

nine: had a fantastic birthday party. We haven't really let him have much sugar but he did get his own cupcake and wasn't sure what to think of it. He very delicately separated the frosted top from the bottom, took a few bites very gently and then realized he loved it and started slamming it in his mouth. Yes, we have it on video. :)

ten: thinks everything is a phone and puts it up to his ear and makes a sound of "hello"

eleven: is starting to bite and thinks it's hilarious...not so much for mommy or daddy (or anyone else being bitten for that matter!).

twelve: is the love his mommy's, daddy's, grandma's, grandpa's, uncle's, aunt's, etc, etc...life

eleven months, eleven things

2010-07-26T05:11:00.002-05:00

1. Has four teeth on top, two teeth on bottom.

2. Saying lots of words: baba (bottle), ba (bye), hi, Izzy, Mama, Dada, GiGi (not sure what that means)

3. Loves to dance and will boo up and down while he's sitting or standing

4. Favorite game is peek-a-boo

5. New love of swimming

6. Is a little foodie! Fresh fruit and veggies are preferred over canned or frozen. And, don't try to pull one over on him cause it ain't happenin'!

7. Waves like Ms. America...only cute for awhile little one.

8. Will soon be a millionaire. Grandma W gives him a dollar everytime she calls him dollboy (her fav nickname)...

9. Cab give the sweetest kisses and the most violent kisses...it's up to you of you want to chance it! I certainly do.

10. Has no idea how big he's getting.

11. Close to walking. Has a little push walker and has mastered it. Jason thinks it'll be a while but Mama thinks it'll be sooner!

my life at a PRTF

2010-07-16T13:59:00.002-05:00

So, I work in a PRTF. For those of you unaware, PRTF stands for Psychiatric Residential Treatment Facility. This isn't summer camp, people. This is for youth with serious mental and behavioral problems. There is nothing I dislike about my job. Ok, ok, the paperwork is NOT fun, but the reward is much better than the notsofun stuff. Today, a teen left us. He had been at this placement for nine months. That's six months longer than most kids stay. He had serious problems, of which I will not divulge for many reasons (confidentiality being the biggest reason). Today we celebrated his success. He is now a kid who understands where his problems lie, where they stem from, how they could hold him back, and what he needs to do to take control of his life. Not only that, he can VERBALIZE it!! This morning, just hours before he left, he accepted Christ. On campus, there is a chapel and a pastor who has chapel service on a weekly basis. A lot of the kids go just to get out of the cottage. This kid started opening his ears to the Word and started to change...coincidence??...I THINK NOT!! I did not know of his salvation until he was driving away when my co-worker said, "He was saved this morning and read the sinner's prayer outloud...twice." I lost it. I had held it together pretty well until then. Many people ask, "How can you work with THOSE kids?", "Don't you get afraid that they will hurt you (cause they do hurt people at times...badly)?", "Couldn't you get more money somewhere else?"...THOSE kids are MY kids...wouldn't trade them for the world. God, thank you so much for these kids and the change they are making in MY life. Thank you for bringing me to this place of hurt and giving me an opportunity to learn from THEM. Most days I feel like I shouldn't get paid to do this work. It is more of a blessing than I ever imagined and can't wait to see what happens next.

something worth fighting for

2010-07-02T08:50:00.003-05:00

This morning, Will woke up at 4:30, ready to start the day. I love watching him in the mornings and learn a LOT from all the little things he does. For instance, he was determined to climb to the window and look outside. I, however, was motivated for him to go back to sleep so, as he crawled, I grabbed his sweet little waist and pulled him back into my arms. And the fight continued. Climb-grab-pull, climb-grab-pull, climb-grab-pull. It continued for a short while until, you guessed it, he won. As he laid his chin on the pillow and just stared outside, I was reminded of God's love for me and His fight for me. As much as I pull away from Him at times, He lovingly grabs me around my not-so-sweet and not-so-little waist and pulls me back into His arms. I fight it at times but, in the end, I know He is there for me, fighting for me. "The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14. What a wonderful reminder.

ten months, ten things

2010-06-28T10:30:00.002-05:00

Oh, this little boy makes me so happy. Can't imagine life without him and thank God EVERYDAY for the joy he brings to the lives of everyone who knows him...especially mama :)

10. He's got this new cheesy smile that's slightly cockeyed and 100% ADORABLE. I love it!

9. Loves bathtime without the baby bathtub. I lean him up against the tub and he watches as it fills. The second I start dumping the toys in, I'd better be ready to put him in as he is immediately reaching for the water. Little water baby for sure!

8. He loves the glider ottoman. I'll sit him on it, lay him on it...doesn't matter. He just moves back and forth rocking himself. (of course, I'm holding on to him, but he loves it just the same)

7. Can babies have six-pack abs? If so, I'm pretty sure he does. I've got a little baby model on my hands!!

6. He's really starting to explore all of his toys. I'll dump the basket out and he goes into explorer-mode. Taste, touch, sound...he'll find it!

5. We traveled to Tennessee last month and he did better than the adults. Nuf said.

4. Loves avocados and toast and turkey and cheese and mexican rice...the list could go on and on. BUT, he hates beans (except the refried variety :)

3. He has found Izzy's dog dish and is pretty sure it's a miniature bathtub.

2. He's super fast. Truly, I have to speed if I want to catch up with him. He almost always heads for the bathroom. Pretty sure he's checking to see if it's bathtime.

1. My new favorite thing he's doing: we have floor vents between the hallway and kitchen. He crawls on all fours everywhere in the house except over those. The second he comes to the vents, he bear crawls over them and it's adorable. I'll have to video it.

hmmm

2010-06-21T12:20:00.003-05:00

I often don't blog because I don't have a specific topic, thought, trouble, etc. What I often find when I journal (which is NOT often, mind you), is that just the act of sitting down to type or write brings about many a thought. The writing becomes more authentic, more therapeutic, and often more "brutally honest", if you will. So, here I am, at the end of my lunch break, writing about...not sure yet.

What's on my mind...my son, my husband, weight watchers points, 9:00 pm tonight (when I get to sit and relax a bit...oh, how I look forward to 9:00 pm!!)

So, we had a bit of a scare this past week. We were pretty sure Will had an infant version of the measles. Yes, I said MEASLES! You know, like in 1890 when kids got measles all the time kind of measles. Didn't think it was possible but doc was pretty sure. Thankfully, the same symptoms that come with measles also come with your run-of-the-mill combination yeast-infection-ear-infection-teething-not-wanting- solid-foods-staying-up-until-9:00-because-he-doesn't-want-to-nap-until-4:00-pm kind of, er, "condition". Sigh. Daddy is staying home today. Doc said best thing we can do to get rid of the yeast infection is have a lot of nekked baby time. Yep. Bet Jason's glad he stayed home today :) NOT IT!! First person to call "NOT IT" doesn't have to change the poopy diaper...it's an awesome game that Jason and I play. Well, only awesome when I win :)

Nesting. Um, maybe it's sympathy nesting since my sister is preggers cause I am certainly NOT (not that I haven't thought about it a lot lately!). I totally want to move everything around in the house. Maybe the kitchen can be the dining room and the dining room can be the play/art room and the living room the bedroom and the bedroom...BREATHE! Oh, how fun change is. No, I really mean it. I love change...when I'm in charge and in complete control. Ahhh, and here it comes. The therapeutic and authentic and organic part of random blogging. What is it about control that...controls me? Why must I be in control of everything. Why not let God be in control. Oh, because I'm human and pretty sure I know best about everything. Maybe God has a plan in mind for me. Pretty sure that's what he meant when he says "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not harm you...plans to give you hope and a future"...Jeremiah 29:11 (from memory so not exactly). I need to post this verse. How much more hope do I need? Promise to give me hope, a future, to prosper me, to not harm me! What an awesome God. Now, if I could only let go and let God!

nine months, nine things

2010-05-28T20:27:00.002-05:00

1. In the matter of days, has gone from kind of crawling to fast crawling, pulling up on furniture, and cruising. I am SO not ready for this!

2. Went swimming and (mostly) loves it :)

3. Loves ice cream...not that he's ever had any.

4. First vacation...currently in Tennessee! He travels better than any adult I know!

5. Has three emerged teeth and three more coming soon.

6. Two words: ladies man.

7. Still loves mornings.

8. Waves with his hands and his feet.

9. Met a cat for the first time on vacation and is fascinated by her. Tenses his whole body and just squeels. Cuteness.

eight months, eight things

2010-04-26T16:51:00.003-05:00

1. He's saying "mama", "dada", and "ba". Love it.

2. He's not crawling but boy can that boy move...backwards, still!

3. He's LOVING solid foods now and can eat like a mad man. Favorites: sweet potatoes with cinnamon, peas, pears, and carrots.

4. He's just always happy. I can't believe his personality. He's so fun.

5. He's hilarious...just like his mama.

6. His big-'ole cloth diaper booty is wearing some 12 month pants. When he's wearing disposables, he wears 3-6 month. It's hilarious how big his booty is in those diapers!

7. He's upgraded from an infant to a convertible car seat. Getting SO big!

8. Anytime he's sitting inside something (baby bath tub, high chair, car seat, grocery cart) he holds on for dear life! Arms stretched out to the sides and hands gripped tightly. It's adorable. Like he's always on a roller coaster ride. Couldn't have anything to do with my driving...

nursing school

2010-03-31T09:18:00.002-05:00

The thoughts herein did not start as a blog post but instead a response to my friend Abbe's blog post. As I began writing, I was surprised at how much I wanted to say. Hence, this long post. Abbe wrote in brutal honesty about her experiences breastfeeding. Like Abbe, I had quite the perfect image of breastfeeding while I was pregnant with Will. I learned about the bond between mother and child while breastfeeding in graduate school of all places. My male professor, whom I am a BIG fan of, painted a tear-jerking picture of what nursing is like. Granted, the picture I am about to paint was made up in my mind, he didn’t paint this picture, just described the bond between mother and child during breastfeeding. This is all what my mind developed.

Imagine: you are sitting in hand-carved oak rocking chair that you plan to pass on throughout the generations to come. You are wearing a white linen gown that is blowing gently in the spring air. You are by a window and the smell of fresh lilacs blows gently through the open linen-curtain covered window. Although all that beauty surrounds you, you are focused on one thing---your small child. You are holding this child, rocking him while he nurses, longingly gazing into his eyes. The bond is unbelievable. He nurses until he falls asleep, there is plenty of milk for the next time that will remain, painfree, until he needs it…

*************************INSERT RECORD-SCRATCHING MUSIC*****************************

Um, not in my world. In my world, it went something like this: Jason had gone to work, I had settled into the ONLY spot in the house I could get “situated” to nurse somewhat comfortably. Linen gown replaced with puke-stained black yoga pants that did not in any way make me relaxed like yoga does. I was using a nipple shield because my nipples were inverted and Will couldn’t latch on. He FINALLY, after many, MANY FRUSTRATING MOMENTS, of the nipple shield falling off and having to put it back on, latched on and was eating. The stupid nipple shield was my nemesis. I hated it like I hate evil. I wish I was exaggerating but I’m not. I’m amazed I continued on with nursing. Was probably that voice in my head that said I was a bad mother if I didn’t nurse for AT LEAST one year. So, back to being settled…I was finally settled, Will was nursing. Both hands were being used to hold on the stupid nipple shield (can you tell I didn’t like it?) and holding his head because the Boppy kept slipping. Finally, peace…then Izzy started barking. She had to go outside. There was no WAY I was getting up to let her out. So…she made a mess and, dare I actually say that my dog does this…cleaned it up. All while maintaining eye contact with me as if to say, “Sucka!” I thought eye contact was to be maintained with my beautiful baby, not my feces-eating dog. Oh, I really can’t believe I said that. Oh well, as Abbe has inspired…I’m being brutally honest.

Fast forward to going back to work. The pump bag. My second nemesis. For a while, I was able to pump 2-3 bottles of breastmilk in an 8 hour day. Recently, I’ve only been able to pump 1-2 OUNCES of breastmilk that took 2, 20-minute pumping sessions out of my work day. Then I would go home and pump EVERY TWO HOURS in the middle of the night just to get enough milk for him to ALMOST make it through a day without formula. I finally had to start supplementing formula because I wasn’t making enough. That damn voice in my head that kept saying “you will do a disservice to your son if you don’t breastfeed for AT LEAST one year-AT LEAST…you have allergies in your family and breastmilk will help avoid that...breastfed babies don't struggle with weight as they get older...breastfed babies are smarter...what kind of mother doesn't breastfeed their babies for as long as possible...maybe you should try fenugreek or mother’s tea again, it works for everyone else…maybe drink more water…smell Will’s clothes while pumping will help…formula is evil...you may as well give your baby poison if you even think about feeding him formula”...sigh. SIGH. SI-IGH.

Present day. Starting last week I have stopped pumping. The first day of going to work without having to first prepare my pump bag with disinfected bottles, pump parts, etc. was like my first day of freedom. NOT exaggerating…AT ALL. Since my production had already started to decrease, I haven’t been in much pain and have still had plenty to nurse Will in the evenings and weekends. I am prepared for production to decrease due to not pumping and am ok with that. I am learning to be more patient with myself and understand that I am not supermom…despite what the voices in my head tell me :)

seven months, seven things

2010-03-29T10:25:00.002-05:00

As if I wasn't random enough in my blog posts before, now I can barely get enough time to post once a month about my favorite topic on this planet: baby Will! Here we are, seven months after meeting the little love of my life, and I'm still in awe of him. I wonder if that will ever stop...not likely. :)

Seven months! Where did the past seven months go? Just yesterday...sigh. In any case, here were are. He is SO much fun these days. I remember so clearly the days of colic, merconium, being pee'd on, sleepless nights. Boy have things changed! He has prepared me for baby number 2 in ways I never thought possible. I love this little man.

SEVEN THINGS

1. He has mastered crawling...backwards, that is. Can seem to go forward but he is certainly mobile backwards. Gone are the days of just leaving him playing on the floor in the living room.

2. He loves car rides. Unless he's just starving, he loves just being in the car, looking around outside.

3. He has the greatest laugh/smile and isn't afraid to share it...as long as he knows you. Not willing to share with just anyone and mommy likes it that way :)

4. Still sleeping through the night for the most part but has started showing a preference for side or tummy sleeping. Such a big boy.

5. He knows the difference between disposable diapers and cloth and isn't afraid to voice his opinion. Much prefers cloth and turns up his nose at disposables. Such a snob :)

6. Does NOT, under any circumstance, like his nose to be touched. Couldn't be because Mommy is obsessed with having his nose clean. Now that I think about it, it's really only Mommy that he doesn't like messing with his nose.

7. He is in AWE of Izzy. When she comes around, a HUGE smile overtakes his face and he follows her every move. One day, I left the room for a second to put away groceries (leaving Will in his car seat for a moment) and came back to find Izzy curled up in a ball on his lap in his car seat. It was cute but also scary. Can't leave those two alone together anymore...but it was still cute, both sleeping so peacefully. I think if Izzy could get in there, she'd sleep in his crib with him. So glad they like each other.

six months, six things

2010-02-25T11:26:00.003-06:00

Oh my sweet, sweet boy...where do I even begin. Six months, six thousand things is more like it!!

1. He loves the game of covering his mouth with his hands when you try to make him laugh. I will "come at him" with my "tickling hands" and as I approach his face he quickly brings both hands to his face and laughs hysterically. So fun!

2. Will loves tummy time and is starting to push up to his knees...in an effort to crawl, I imagine. Boy is he growing!

3. Although he continues to be in the 20th or so percentile for weight and 50th percentile for length, this boy seems SO big to everyone. Not sure what it is but he seems SO big. Probably the cloth diapers :)

4. His smile can light up a room. I've not encountered anyone that won't smile when they see him. Even people that "don't like kids" love him!

5. He's WAY interested in food although he's still not started on solids since he's been sick. He will sit at the table with us in his Bumbo and just watch every move from plate to mouth and back to plate. He mimicks us when we chew. So darn cute.

6. He's so, SO close to saying his first words. Hello, good, and mama are coming soon, I believe! He's got "Goo" and "Ga" down. OH, and still no teeth. Can I add that as part of #6? I'm his mom so I say YES!

too fast

2010-02-16T09:54:00.003-06:00

T minus nine days until my little boy can enjoy some solid foods. I can't believe how fast time has gone. I remember how overwhelming it was coming home from the hospital in his first days. I sat on the edge of the couch, just staring at him and wondering how in the world Jason and I were going to keep this little creature alive. I'm notorious for killing plants, how in the world could a little helpless human be protected in my care. Well, I've been amazed at the skills that have been apparently within in us our entire lives. I have seen myself go from an overwhelmed "mom" who cringed at the thought of slobber, let alone anything else that might come from the littliest body to a real-life, not-for-tv MOMMY. Not only am I over being grossed-out by slobber, I'm now wiping in on my pant legs and moving on :)

Jason. I don't even know where to start. Jason has become...well, he has become. Like me, he started overly anxious about everything related to parenthood. Keep the house clean, take out the trash, wash the diapers, sweep the floor, change a diaper, make sure to use ointment, has Will had a bath today...too much to do, let alone actually spending time with Will. Now, Jason wakes up early so that while I'm getting ready he can "wear" Will around the house. They visit me in the bathroom while I get ready, they help me pick out clothes for the day, play with Izzy, spend amazing amounts of time just staring at each other in the mirror. Makes me teary just thinking about the bond they are developing and how meaningful that will be to Will when he is a father.

It's all going too fast...
I'm gonna miss this...

random thoughts

2010-02-05T16:06:00.003-06:00

i'm a thinker of random thoughts, a planner of things to come, a "I should try that some day", a dreamer of a simpler life (but live a crazy one) kind of gal. I am living in the land of "shoulds" and I don't want to anymore (*insert childlike tantrum here*). Not that I don't think list-making is productive but when I don't accomplish all of the things on my already-much-too-long list, I resort right back to the shoulda-woulda-coulda way of thinking. This...is not productive. I'm a pretty flexible person when it comes to everyone else but me. Although I try to live in a land full of color, I find myself back in the black and white kind of thinking. All or nothing. It's truly exhausting and takes me away from my real goal: to be the woman God created me to be. When God was creating me, I doubt He said, "Well, I'm going to create her to be perfect at EVERYTHING. There were be no imperfections, she will do everything by the book." Ok, I more than DOUBT He said that, I am CONFIDENT he didn't say that. So, here I am. Back at the drawing board. Trying to make time to spend with those closest to me which is very challenging when my bedtime routine starts at 7:30...well, Will's starts at 7:30. Then 8:00-10:00 pm is spent picking up the house, preparing cloth diapers for the next day, pumping breastmilk, dishes, laundry...oh, and then I might have a bit just to relax...if I want to stay up until 11:00. This having a baby thing sure changes your life. I know, I know...everyone told me that before Will was born but you just don't know how real it is until you're holding the little one in your arms, surrounded by dirty laundry, and just completely consumed by how excited you are that he's having a bowel movement, or burped, or has chunky little legs, or said "GOO"...none of which, by the way, is exciting when another adult does that. When do chunky legs and bowel movements become not-so-cute? It's really too bad because I have/do both and really wish someone would say "how sweeeeetttt" when they see my legs :)

So, what do I do with these random thoughts? I think I shall do nothing that takes my focus away from my goal. That means focusing less on trying to make my house look like Martha lives there and spending more time with my husband after Will is asleep. That means worrying less when we don't get the diapers washed and have to use disposables and spending more time in the Word. That means spending time with God in the mornings instead of doing dishes left over from last night so that I don't have to "come home to dirty dishes at night". That means enjoying every last drop of life...everything that it has to offer...every last delicious God-given morsel whether good or bad, happy or sad. Feels good to say all of this outloud and put things into perspective. Time to focus rather than just go on auto pilot. Time to enjoy the ride.

five months, five things

2010-01-25T11:24:00.003-06:00

1. man burps. man. burps.

2. Wiggly Worm. He has started to do circles on his back in his play yard. We will put him in with his head facing north and go back to check on him minutes later and his head is facing south. Just as happy as can be!

3. He loves to dance. Video is posted below and is definitely worth watching!!

4. Thanks to Dr. S's colic treatment and a new swaddling technique, Will is sleeping through the night and has been for a month now (typically 8:00 pm to 6:00 am). So nice. Now if I could just stop watching the monitor and get some sleep myself. Maybe I need to be swaddled.

5. He is such a morning person. I have watched him on the monitor some mornings and he's awake and just laying there. When we come in the room, it's all smiles. Greatest part of my day.

four months, four things

2010-01-15T21:15:00.002-06:00

Well, since month four is almost over, I should probably write this blog :)

William Grayson Worley, month four, four things

1. Will is SUCH a morning person. It matters not how the night went, if he slept well, if he was sick...he wakes up with the biggest smile on his face. The last few mornings I have watched him on the monitor wake up and just lie there smiling until we go and get him. I hope this sticks.

2. He has started laughing! It hasn't been consistent but it is SO cute!

3. His favorite toy is a little crinkly elephant we have affectionately named "Chris Crinkle". Daddy picked it out.

4. Will loves to use his feet almost more than his hands when he plays and his long monkey toes sure do help in the playing process.

three months, three things

2009-11-25T10:28:00.006-06:00

I was inspired by my friend Kellie to blog each month in this manner and so here I am...mother of a three month old baby boy. I can't EVEN believe it. The time has gone so fast. New memories are forming every day and the struggles of those first few weeks are slowly fading into the back of my mind. I recall a house filled with stuff. We were sleeping in the living room on a futon that was certainly not big enough for the room. We had the light off in the living room all of the time in order for Will to be able to sleep (which made having visitors difficult to say the least). Will's room was not complete and our room was upstairs. I remember the whole pregnancy thinking, "it will be fine for us to sleep upstairs and for Will to sleep downstairs". So naive, SO naive. There are many others things this mommy has learned, but the most important is how much I want that little boy by my side. I'm currently struggling with moving him out of his bassinet and into his room (which is only a few feet from our room yet very difficult to think about). If only he wasn't so snuggly in his bassinet. And by "snuggly" I mean his head and feet touch the ends of the bassinet when he is fully extended. TO MY DEFENSE, he really likes to sleep with his knees bent to the sides a little so I believe I have several more months of sleeping right next to my little guy. :) Whatever I need to tell myself, right?

For the past nine weeks, Will has been blessed to have "grandma care". My mom, who retired in February 2009,has sacrificed so much and comes to stay with us during the week so that we don't have to put Will in daycare until January. Now, while I call this a sacrifice, grandma calls it a blessing! We also certainly call it a blessing and, while Will has certainly benefited from having grandma here to care for him so much, I have also benefited. I certainly took my mother for granted during my teen years and have more than enjoyed this extended time with her. We love you!!

Ok, now for the big deal: WILL!!

Three months, three things:

1. Will has the most expressive eyes. Happy, sad, intense...I am pretty sure my little boy is a genius and is already very aware of these emotions. Orrrrrrr, I'm just biased. I like to think it's both ;)

2. Will loves the singer Colbie Caillat. I listened to her music throughout the pregnancy and I think he recognizes her voice. If he's crying, playing her music is one of the steps we take to help him calm down. Pretty amazing, I'd say!

3. I hate to admit it, but Will has already discovered the television. He is mesmerized by it, in fact. He could be mid-scream and notice the tv and stop crying, slowly turn his head towards what we call "the big box" and just stare. We will regret this one day I am sure.

That's our little man. It's SO hard for me not to add more. I can't wait until he's 216 months old and I can list 216 things.

Love you, my little superman.

up to big things

2009-11-19T09:05:00.003-06:00

It's been a long time, blogspot, a loooonnnngg time. My how things have changed in my world. "Little" Will is not so little anymore. He's getting SOOOO big. New things he's doing: playing with his fingers and toes, following our voices, watching "the big box". Ah, the big box. Known to most adults as the tv---it's his favorite---which is why mommy and daddy have to limit watching to when he's asleep. He could be in the middle of an outright cry and see the tv and just stop and stare, mesmerized. Not a good thing. Will's least favorite things: dirty/wet diapers. This kid cannot stand for a minute to be in a wet diaper. I honestly think it's because they are cloth diapers and he can feel every bit of moisture when he's wet. I'm thinking this will be beneficial when potty-training comes around!! Does make for a lot of laundry but we are still LOVING cloth diapering. Most recently Will has discovered his tongue. He likes to stick it out and watch himself in the mirror. This keeps him entertained for...minutes! :) Cute little boy. Here are some pictures to enjoy:

kearney girls

2009-10-14T11:23:00.002-05:00

Have you ever been blessed with a friend that, despite the physical distance and lack of contact, you are able to reconnect immediately upon seeing them again? The kind of friend that understands your heart even when you haven't seen them in a year? The kind of friend that you’re able to truly be your self with? Not only have I been blessed with a friend, I’ve been blessed with six of them: The Kearney Girls. No, we’re not from Nebraska, no we’re not a traveling circus act (although, I think we could be), and NO we don’t pronounce it “Carney”. We are the special kind of friends that I speak of. My heart jiggles, jumps, jives, beats harder, and faster every time I think of these girls. The Kearney Girls namesake is a street that is located in the college heart of Manhattan, Kansas. A little rickety old house---or, rather, a large rickety old house---that was the birth place of the Kearney Girls. No, not all of us officially lived in the house but close enough we think. There are also honorary members of the Kearney Girls who are of the male variety (Mike, Kirk, Patrick, Ryan). They, of course, didn’t live there. Hmph…AS IF! In any case, they were very much a part of our college experience (rabbits, raccoons, flaming poo in pizza boxes). Boys!! Sigh.

Ahem….back to the Kearney Girls.

I thought to write this blog because I get to see them (well, all but Drea which I’m very sad about) THIS WEEKEND! Tiff got herself knocked up by one of the male varieties I spoke about earlier and we are going to shower her with gifts and love! I cannot wait. Sooo much changes between our KGR’s (Kearney Girl Retreats) that we never have enough time to catch up. But, when we do see each other, there is a rekindled connection that only happens in these “special friendships” as I call them. The Kearney Girls live in six different cities, have 10 children (and counting), grew up in seven different towns, and all love Jesus. As I greatly anticipate this weekend, I wanted to say a little something about why each of these gals are special to me. Some of these memories are abbreviated but I imagine the recipient of the memory will know what I’m talking about! The memories run deep, as does the love.

Laura: Looney, Looney Bin. The first thing that comes to mind is the weekend we spent at your house while we were in college. I can’t remember why we were there but I remember staying in a bedroom downstairs, your t-shirt quilt, and your parent’s beautiful home. That was a fun trip. We went to a movie and your church, didn’t we? Oh, and how can I forget the endless time I spent in you and Erika’s room during freshman year because of my roommates “extracurricular activities”. Remember that? Oye. Laura, you are SUCH a cool person. You have so many qualities that I love: SO funny (I think your humor is underestimated, by the way), your laugh is one of my favorites, your random thoughts, I think you would truly give any of your friends (and random strangers) the shirt off your back if they asked or even if they didn’t but you felt they needed it (well, as long as the shirt hadn’t already been made into a quilt!). You are one of my favorite miniatures (I always wanted to be shorter so please take that as a compliment). In one word: KIND

Erika: Eeka, Eeks. You were the very first person I met and became friends with in college. We quickly discovered that we both worked at the Union and walked to work together often. You were a kind of person I had never experienced before-an unapologetic Christian. I had been involved with church growing up but to meet someone who so freely talked about their faith was new to me. It was refreshing. It left me wanting more and more and MORE. My faith grew because of you. Memories: oh how I loved going to your hometown with some of the other KG’s—the trampoline, animals, and farm smells. And your little brothers who aren’t so little anymore. The piano and my favorite song that I always requested you to play. Practice up because if Mendy has a piano in her house I’m gonna want to hear it!! “Diaper Water” (enough said there :). Other memories: you and your mom deep-cleaning your room at the Kearney house (scrubbing the walls, windows, trim, etc), you testing the milk before drinking it, chicken nuggets and Italian dressing. In one word: COMPASSIONATE

Mendy: Schmendy. Oh how I love me some Schmendy! I remember when you first started coming to Challenge. I remember the first time I heard you sang (what a voice!) and falling in love with your humor/sarcasm, your family’s Thursday night dinners, your siblings, thinking your hair was pretty cool, being amazed at your ability to eat an entire Pizza Shuttle pizza after dental work! You spent enough time at the Kearney house to certainly qualify as a Kearney Girl. Sometimes more time than the rest of us. I loved when you were there and wished you lived there! There are so many qualities I love about you. You are hysterical, brilliant, humble, a guru about many topics, and a teacher--this is one of my favorite qualities-when you get excited about something you are able to teach others about it in a way that gets them very excited about it, too. I could honestly sit and talk with you for hours about anything you are excited about and leave wanting to do the same whether it’s living a greener life, seeking God with more passion, or even KSU football (okay, that one might be a stretch). In one word: TEACHER

Heidi: Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho. Oh, where to start. Random memories: skinny jeans, breastmilk and cats. Heidi, you are an exceptional woman. You are not afraid of anything and no topic is off limits to you. Want to talk about raising children, breasts, breastmilk, pumping, infant chiropractic services, diet, health, toe jam, that weird stuff in your belly button, labor, hair coloring, pregnancy, ramen noodles, vegetarianism, sex, drugs, rock and roll?---go to Heidi. She’s likely to not only have an answer but will also have research to back up her answers…and she’s likely to be right and you will be amazed and overwhelmed with information at the same time. Heidi is a person that will not let you get by with the “how-are-you-I’m-fine” routine. Nope. You get “how are you really doing” and “what’s really going on with you” kinds of questions and she really truly wants to know the answers. And she gives answers in such a way that is not demeaning. I think you should have been a therapist, by the way. I have many memories of going to your parent’s home, your AMAZING dorm room (if you can even call it that), that snack shop (can’t remember the name!!), life in the Browning House, you’re your teenie-tiny shower, your perfect hair, struggles, triumphs. You are one strong woman, Heidi Casper. In one word: INTENTIONAL

Tiffany: Tiff. I remember meeting you but can’t remember which dorm you were living in. I remember thinking you were so beautiful and dressed so fashionable that you’d never be friends with me! You are such a combination of things: beautiful inside, beautiful outside, good at so many things I wish I was (decorating, fashion, organization, making a person feel special). I miss living in the same city as you. I loved our time together and remember being so (SO!) sad when you said you were moving to Lawrence. What does Lawrence have that Wichita doesn’t? Oh, right…Mendy. Whatever :) Tiff, you are quite an incredible woman. I love how you can make a person feel like whatever they are going through is okay and normal-you have a gift of putting people at ease and just having fun. I have memories of coaxing you out of your room on your birthday with Michael Jackson because you feared getting old, Amaretto Sours, boring names like Bob and Sue, dance class, visiting Beloit, vanilla Dr. Peppers (which you invented, of course), sweet baby voices to Mavie. In one word: COMFORT

Andrea: Drea. Oh how I miss you, Drea! I’m not sure if you’ll ever read this! In one word: PASSION. You’re one word came to me immediately. When you love someone or something you are more passionate about it than anyone. You love in a way that is so intense and emotional that it makes me smile. Memories: you going to beauty school, your amazing vocal abilities, going on a date with your boyfriend :), watching you excel without even knowing it. In fact, I have one more word for you: HUMBLE. You are one of the most humble people I know and while I sometimes want to shake you and say “don’t you know how amazing you are”, I just watch and learn about what humility is and revel in God’s creation of you.

General Kearney Memories: singing in stairwells, Italian cheesesticks, Pizza Shuttle, wayyy too much food, Zebra Cakes, my extra blonde hair dying moment, Mike Lin (enough said), the basement that was condemned (although the rest of the house wasn’t—strange), singing and playing guitars on the roof, visits from honorary Kearney’s, bible studies, quiet times, getting a washer and dryer, the raccoon visit that I SLEPT through (poor Tiff!), crushes—sometimes on the same person, yellow roses, breakups, old McDonald’s food, large electricity bills, throwing mattresses from the 2nd story, dressing up and going to eat at Village Inn, reading the Left Behind Series and being SURE the end of times was coming and walking to Kirk and Patrick’s to prepare, moving in, moving out, tears, laughter, watching You’ve Got Mail about a THOUSAND times, watching The Sound of Music about a MILLION times, clothing swaps, marriages, Thursday nights, babies being born

To my Kearney Girls: each of you holds a special place in my heart and thinking of you makes my soul smile. I love you all in so many ways that weren’t even expressed above. Thank you for being part of my life. I am far beyond blessed to know each of you and I look forward to the many KGR’s to come and am excited for what God has planned for each of our lives. Each of you have had a part in shaping me into the woman I am today and for that I am forever grateful.

Love,

introducing baby w

2009-09-15T11:07:00.007-05:00

Well, it turns out the name "Baby W" was very fitting. William Grayson Worley was born on August 25th at 11:35 am after a VERY long labor (I'm calling it 40 hours) and a VERY short stint of pushing (only 35 minutes...apparently I'm very good at pushing). Yes, Dannon...I've noticed that I've used two sets of parenthesis!

Will is 4 weeks old and has changed our lives in ways we never could have imagined or prepared for. The love we have for this little boy is indescribable as I'm sure all of you parents can relate to. I only have time to post a few pics but hope to have time again in the next few weeks to post again. Having no internet at home makes that difficult. So...here he is!

wednesday

2009-08-14T09:09:00.002-05:00

Well, the time is nearing that Baby W will make his or her grand entrance. The time has gone SO fast, which I'm sure many of you can relate to. I am scheduled to be induced on Wednesday evening and, of course, am a little worried about it. Just like the whole insulin ordeal that I experienced, induction can come with it's own risks. While I don't want this to turn into another insulin-type struggle, I'm also fully aware that I'm willing to do whatever is best for the baby (as I sit here drinking a cup of coffee). I do have an appointment scheduled with my OB for Wednesday morning and am hoping that I've made enough progress that she will say "let's give it a few days and see where you are rather than inducing tonight". Maybe I should give her this script? I am praying that baby will come on his or her own time rather than have to be induced. So far, this is really not a high-risk pregnancy so it wouldn't hurt if I went past my due date by a little bit. I may be singing a different tune if I make it to 42 weeks, however!! May sound less like "let baby come when baby is ready" and more like "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!!". So, please just pray that, well...just pray really. God knows what He's doing and I trust that.

Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Beautiful, huh?

On other notes: the house is less in disarray,although I left dirty dishes in the sink last night. Lots of them. Which probably means baby will come today :) Baby stuff is in baby's room rather than stuffed in the corner of the dining room. Curtains are hung in our bedroom...curtains that my mother and I made last weekend together. That weekend will be a very precious memory to me---I can't wait to teach my own daughter (or son) to sew, cook, bake, etc. Hopefully my child will be more willing to learn at a young age, unlike myself who avoided instruction in household tasks at all cost as a young girl! I have been thinking a LOT about traditions lately. I was listening to K-Love yesterday morning and they were talking about back-to-school traditions that families have. I can't wait to begin traditions with my children! What traditions do you have in your family? Please share! One that sticks out to me is our birthday candle tradition. From as young as I can remember, no matter who's birthday it was, everyone got to blow out the candles on the birthday cake. We'd start with the birthday person and then pass the cake around the table, lighting the candles and then blowing them out one by one. I don't particularly remember if we made a wish for ourself or the birthday person. I'd like to think it was for the birthday person, but that is unlikely :) My co-workers have traditions about birthdays that I can't wait to do. Maybe Dannon will comment on this post and share about the birthday outfits?

I sat in my rocking chair last night reading a baby book to the baby "I Already Know I Love You" by Billy Crystal. "I'm waiting to show you everything. hear your giggles and your sighs. see butterflies and monkeys. and clowns who cross their eyes."

Can't hardly wait, baby W, can't hardly wait.

Love, Mommy

new kitchen!!

2009-08-10T09:06:00.005-05:00

Alright, the big reveal! We decided to go much bolder with the main color than I had posted about previously. From teepee brown to ORANGE! It is much different than the pictures I posted before, but I really do love it. Jason and his mom worked SO hard all weekend while I stayed at a friend's house and away from the fumes. I called on Sunday to say I was coming home and Jason informed me that the house was not "extreme home makeover ready" and that I had to find something to occupy my time until they were ready for me. He called a few hours later and said I could come home but that he wanted to do the whole "move that bus" routine. So, I came home, was blindfolded, and guided into the kitchen. The transformation is amazing. The color combination to me is a cross between modern and a throw-back to the '80s, although Jason and his mom disagree and think the combo is very modern. Either way, I really love it. What do you think? OH, and the part that I loved the best that I thought would have to wait until much later: chalkboard paint on the doors. Jason went to Home Depot and found that they have chalkboard paint that you can tint in 12 different colors and he found a dark brown that goes with the brown that's on the backs of the cabinets. He went further than that and even painted the back door with the blackboard paint for "Baby W", as he stated. So sweet. I couldn't truly comprehend how much work went into the kitchen until I saw the pictures Jason took of the "in progress" work. Let's just say the house was a disaster and I was exhausted just looking at the pictures. I am truly blessed. So, here it is...the big reveal!

A reminder of the kitchen before:

And now...

it's a...

2009-08-07T15:23:00.003-05:00

Just kidding! Gotta keep you all on your toes, though, since Baby W could come ANY TIME now. Mean, I know, but I'm so very pregnant and feeling slightly onery today! And, for those that want to know, I am at a 1 (I'll leave it at that).

Let's see...what's going on. Other than nesting (my poor desk at work didn't even see it coming). I'm spending the weekend with a good friend while Jason and his mom work on the house (yet again). Kitchen is being painted as planned this weekend. Jason spent all last night priming the walls and ceiling. I'm so blessed by all their hard work! We are mostly sticking with the theme I posted about last but the colors have changed a bit: burnt orange walls, antique white cabinet/door fronts and trim, and a chocolate brown on the backs of the cabinets (just a touch, not a lot will be chocolate brown). Then I'll still do the blackboard doors and other touches I talked about. Hope it turns out well! That's a LOT of color.

My mom is coming for tonight and we'll spend all day tomorrow sewing curtains for our bedroom. I'm excited as this is my first official sewing (pause for Braxton Hicks..............................................breathing.........................
.....................................................................................
.......breathing..................................................) project. I have 11 yards of twill white fabric and pretty wide slate blue ribbon for accents. Sew much going on....badum ching. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all night (unless my water breaks then I'm outta here!)

Then girl's night tomorrow night with two good friends which I'm very overly excited about! I know what you're thinking...Michelle overly excited about something? Hard to believe, I know!

But what I'm REALLY excited about, you ask? Jason chose Red Lobster for his birthday dinner. Crab legs, cheddar biscuits, no mess in the kitchen...THAT SOUND FABULOUS!!

OH, I almost forgot! I get to see my sister and her family for the first time in 8 years today. She lives abroad (aka Wisconsin) and I haven't seen her since she and her husband got married. They're only stopping by for a short visit but it will be nice to see them nonetheless.

And, just a special treat for Dannon:
() count: 6
But they were all so important!

That's all for now...maybe some pictures of the kitchen will come on Monday...stay tuned!

Kitchen Idea!

2009-07-30T10:14:00.006-05:00

Finally! I have an idea for the kitchen (thanks to HGTV's Rate My Space). Yes, Dannon, I just used more parentheses (just for you). Anyways, I found a kitchen idea that really inspired me. I will include some pictures to give you all a better idea of what I'm talking about/describing.

Walls: Teepee Brown by Behr

Doors, trim, cabinets: white/off white/antique white (not sure yet)

Door to downstairs (as seen below): paint inside with black chalkboard paint so we can leave messages, write menus, to-do lists, grocery lists, etc.

Decorations: black and white pictures of family cooking together, family dinners, family gatherings, etc. We will have to take pictures but I already have one that I really love of my father and great uncle which I will also post below. Very family oriented, which I think is what inspired me the most.

Also, I like the idea of decorating somehow with family recipes like in one of the picture below.

I also like the black sign over the door that has the family name.

Ok, so here's the before picture of the kitchen:

Pictures of the kitchen on Rate My Space that inspired me:

Here's the picture of my great uncle and father that I love so much:

Also, I love this picture of my grandparents farm house that I'd like to incorporate somewhere (I actually have a version of this picture without the cars that I may use instead):

So...there it is. Let me know what you all think and if you have any ideas or inspirations that come from this. One thought I had was either doing all white cabinets or doing white on the upper cabinets and black on the lower cabinets. Just a thought! May be too much. I think we're going to leave two of the cabinets without doors like Mendy mentioned to display our dishes and glasses. Isn't this fun!!

37 weeks

2009-07-28T18:09:00.006-05:00

So, I was reading my friend Heather's blog and was looking at some of the blogs she follows and saw that there was one friend that hadn't blogged in 4 weeks...then I realized that friend was, in fact, moi. I had promised pictures from the baby shower back in June and I still haven't put them on my computer so you may just have to imagine in your head...not too hard to do really...friends, family, balloons, yummy cake, punch, lots of baby gift bags...you know, a baby shower!

It's not like I've been busy or anything, people! What, you ask, have I been up to? Growing a baby, staying in hotel rooms, lots and lots of doctor appointments, water aerobics, and getting my nails done...it's hard work, I tell ya! Jason and his mom have been working like crazy to get our bedroom and the kitchen painted before baby gets here. The bedroom is about 90% finished but there is now a lovely new crack in the ceiling from the guys doing a roof inspection on our house. Wonderful. Just want Jason asked for. NOT (great, now I'm acting like an 8th grader from the early 1990's). Sheesh. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, the house. Last weekend I stayed in a hotel by myself while Jason and his mom painted. Apparently, I've watched far too many scary movies because it was...well, scary. At one point, I was walking down the hallway, saw a flickering light, and then twins ran by. (Think: The Shining). I nearly pee'd myself (ok, maybe just a little---I'm pregnant, give me a break!!) So, I left with a bedroom that looked like this:

And returned to a bedroom that looks like this:

Don't you just love the change?? I am in love with the color. My sister thought this was the baby's room and wondered if we knew something (gender-wise) that we were trying to hint at. Much to everyone's disappointment, we do not know the gender AND this is not the baby's room. We will be in this room and baby will be in our room. I will post a picture of the baby's room once the furniture arrives (let's hope it's within the next few weeks!!). Talk about down to the wire!!

So, over the next few weeks, Jason's going to be working on the kitchen. Here's a before picture (we have already sanded and refinished the floors so they look more like the bedroom pictures above):

Any ideas are welcome! We cannot for the life of us think of colors for the kitchen. We are painting walls, cabinets, and trim (and will eventually replace the backsplash and countertops, too). Bring 'em on!!

Baby News: baby is growing and moving and shaking! Can't wait to meet him or her. Jason and I washed all of the baby clothes over the weekend. I had NO IDEA how time-consuming it is to fold all of those little clothes. Hopefully, wrinkly baby clothes are in next season. What else??? Oh, the car seat is installed (hey, I have a picture of that!):

I have to give props to my co-worker, Dannon, for helping me install the car seat...basically, I just held the manual while she quickly installed it. :)

On an end note, Dannon showed me this hysterical wedding video. I've never posted a video so if it doesn't work, just go to www.youtube.com and type in JK Wedding Entrance Dance. This is just the greatest video ever! Hope you can find time to watch it. Later!

Kansas City Farmer's Market

2009-06-29T10:59:00.008-05:00

Well, Jason and I ventured on our FINAL out-of-town adventure we will ever take as non-parents! It was quite an emotion-filled weekend of family, friends, Baby Shower, lots of yummy food, and the Kansas City Farmer's Market. I will post pictures and stories from the Baby Shower in my next post as all of those pictures are on my camera and have not been uploaded yet. Although it was SOOO hot outside, most of the family wanted to go to the Kansas City Farmer's Market because...well, because it's just that awesome. Something about the KC Farmer's Market reminds me of traveling to another country. Crowded aisles, the variety of produce, friendly people, little shops, "meat" products...it is just one of my favorite places to go and, should we ever move to KC, I'm already planning to get a second job to support my farmer's market addiction. I sampled lots of food, although my dad has always warned against it due to "not knowing who has touched the food before me". I told him I'm not a germapobe (sp?) and that really got my mom going. I guess she thinks I am quite the germaphobe. I said, "How can I be something I can't even spell" and proceeded to lick the bottom of her shoe. Just kidding, although that did just make me laugh out loud!! :)

So, the pictures that follow are all from the KC Farmer's Market (I was going to label them all but I can't figure out how to make the wording line-up with the pics so I'm just posting them all---some are produce pictures from the market, some are street performers, and some are family pictures).

The night before, we all decided we would not shower before going to the market because we'd sweat a LOT and need to shower again. So, I woke up, threw on some clothes, and ran downstairs for breakfast. Since the bathroom was being shared by 3 other people, I used the restroom in the lobby of the hotel. Apparently, I took the idea of not getting ready to a whole new level (as you can tell by the hair). Although it's not a pretty picture, it made me laugh so I thought (for your enjoyment) I would share :)

That's all for now! I have some REALLY funny stories to share about the Baby Shower and will do that later this week.

friday picture puzzle

2009-06-19T11:43:00.004-05:00

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wordless wednesday

2009-06-03T08:45:00.003-05:00

wordless wednesday

2009-05-27T09:20:00.002-05:00

nesting

2009-05-21T15:15:00.002-05:00

So, I think I have officially started nesting. Creditial #1: Overwhelming feeling that we only have 13 weeks left until baby arrives? Check. Creditial #2: constant cleaning and obsession with having absolutely NO dirty dishes in the sink? Check. Creditial #3: Worrying about dust mites and the invisible lives they are leading in our bedding? Check. Ok, I'm there. Now that Jason has finished all but one of his licensure tests, we are off and running on preparing the house for baby. Of course, his desire to fix up the house is not nesting (or so he says :) I'm pretty sure we are both nesting.

Project #1: Remove all books from upstairs so we have room for our bedroom. Words cannot describe how many books we own, so I took a picture. There are even more at my work!! Our dining room table is 6-foot by 6-foot square and every square inch is covered with piles of books and each pile has 15 books or more!! That's a lot of books. We know they are worth a lot of money and want to insure them but that means creating a spreadsheet of all the books, what they cost, ISBN numbers, etc. etc. It took me one hour to do 100 books last night so I'm thinking it will take about 10 hours to do all of them!! It will be worth it in the end as our new bedroom will not be laden with dust-covered books!! YEA!

As we're going through this process, we are coming across many old memories. For example, I found my wedding planner book. Pictures of bridesmaids dresses, bridal registries, photographer contracts, hotel room reservations, etc. There was also a section called "coupons" with a little envelope in which to place coupons. Apparently, I didn't know that was supposed to be for wedding-related coupons. Anyone need coupons for mac and cheese that expired in 2000? That made me laugh out loud! Of course, I recycled the pile of about 100 coupons. I'm hilarious!

Memories. I'm excited about the memories we are going to create with our new little baby. First walks, first talks, first explosive diapers that go clear up the baby's back...so many things to look forward to! :) This pregnancy has gone so fast I can't even believe it. Only 13 weeks to go until Baby W is born. I am so in love with this baby I can hardly stand it. I wonder what traits Baby will get from me and which traits Baby will get from Jason. I hope that Baby gets my sense of humor and Jason's eyes (I wanted to say "Jason's butt" instead of "Jason's eyes" but I thought that would be inappropriate---oops, I said it anyways!!). I hope that Baby gets Jason's calmness and my compassion. Honestly, I just hope we don't do anything damaging. But, when we do, because we will, I hope that we are compassionate with ourselves and reach out for help when we need it. We live in a society that tends towards high expectations. But, what I know from my friends who are parents is this: we will mess up, we will not be perfect, we will do our best, and we will still fail at times. What I know for sure is this: God is with us, God is with this baby, God has already made plans for this baby's life. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11 Thank GOD for that.

So, I started with a picture of books and I've ended with a picture of life. The life that God has set forth for each of us. Takes some of the pressure off to know that He is in control and I just need to follow His lead.

Here's to following...

state number 51

2009-04-24T08:33:00.002-05:00

Did you know that there is a new state in the United States? It's mass covers an area twice the state of Texas, stretching from California to Japan. In some places it is 90 feet deep. Never heard of it? It's called the state of TRASH. Debris, litter, and all other kinds of trash have blown into the Pacific Ocean creating this huge mass of TRASH. Ocean life is dying, fish are eating plastic because they think it's food, beluga whales are getting breast cancer from the chemicals in the plastics they are eating (does that tell ya something???), birds are getting caught in plastic bags and suffocating, they've even found appliances like refrigerators IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!!...need I say more?? Ok, I will. In some places in the Pacific there are SIX TIMES more pieces of plastic than there is plankton, the main food source for many sea animals. And it isn't just coming from the western states. Experts say that the trash and debris travel as far as Iowa. IOWA. Crazy. I thought that I was pretty informed about the need for recycling and using less stuff, but my eyes have been opened!! Did you know that this isn't the only ocean with a big mass of trash? It's just the biggest one. Most oceans and watersystems have swirls of trash like this. Crazy!

The exciting thing is that we CAN do something about this. Even small steps can make for change. Try one of these changes:

~use reusable bags at the grocery store rather than plastic. They are inexpensive (99 cents each for a reusable Dillons bag) and stores like Dillons give you 5 cents for each bag you use. Kenya, Tanzania, Bangladesh, and (I hear) Oregon have begun charging consumers for each plastic bag they use. In Oregon, I believe some grocery stores charge 33 cents per bag. So, use reusable bags and you'll save money AND you'll save the planet. Nice.

~recycle what you can. In Wichita, a local trash company (Waste Connections) has partnered with www.recyclebank.com. Along with your trash service, you can order recycling service. You get a container and dump recyclable materials in---no need to sort, they'll do that for you. Then they weigh your recycling and turn pounds into points that you can then turn into certificates for free items. Cash for "Trash". Nice.

~take your lunch to work waste-free. Use reusable containers for your lunches rather than plastic baggies. Just takes a small investment in containers but you'll save money in the long run. One company makes cool looking containers: www.to-goware.com Saving money in the long run as well as saving the planet in the long run. Nice. I kind of feel like a broken record :)

So, what can you do? God gave us this beautiful and precious Earth and I believe it is our responsibility to take care of it. I certainly don't do everything I can and throw away things that could be recycled, but each day I'm making an intentional effort to reduce my carbon footprint. I hope to hear responses to this post of small ways you are making a difference---I always love to learn new things!

free-flow journal

2009-04-17T09:39:00.003-05:00

Something I often request of my clients is to begin writing free-flow journals. Just sit down with a pen and paper or at a computer and start writing. It's amazing what you'll learn about yourself and what's going on with you that you wouldn't have realized if you hadn't taken time to allow yourself to just write. So, I thought it would be interesting to make a free-flow journal into a blog. We'll see how this goes.

Now that I'm meandering my way into the new territory of motherhood, my thought processes have changed. I am much more aware of babies as I pass them in the stores. I watch parents as they play with, scold, love, protect, laugh...with their babies. Yes, I've always loved children and yes no baby has ever passed my way without mention of an "Oh, look how cute" or "Bless his little heart" :) But now that there is an actual-real-life-there's-no-turning-back-now-one-pound-11-inch-baby in my belly, life is changing (quite literally, actually!). I can feel him or her more and more each day. Yesterday was the most I had felt little Baby W and it felt like a roller coaster in my belly. For the past several weeks, okay all of the past several weeks, I have been pretty freaked out about the idea of a baby being "in there". I've explained the feeling like swallowing a bug and knowing it was still alive and moving around "in there". Sad, but true. Something changed yesterday. I was on a conference call and felt some actual kicking. Baby W is getting quite accustomed to having a full-access pass to all of my major organs. The favorite: my bladder. OH, what fun. I've had to pee so often that I'm even dreaming about bathrooms. One bathroom I dreamt about was all gold, another was normal except for the enormous toilet...it's truly amazing that I haven't wet the bed...yet.

Ahem.

There are so many things going on in the Worley household. Mostly questions that have yet to be answered: where should the baby sleep, do we need a crib and a bassinet, how about a high chair, a swing, a bouncy seat, what's the difference between breast pumps (eww), are we really ready for this, will we ever be ready, how will we afford daycare, how will we afford everything, is cloth-diapering really the way to go, should we move, will I be a good mom, what will the baby's personality be like, will the baby have Jason's lips, will the baby have my sense of humor, will the baby have 10 fingers and 10 toes, will the baby be healthy, should we find out the sex of the baby ...along with the many questions comes many emotions...excitement, wonder, fear, worry, happiness, joy, anxiousness, etc etc etc

deep breath

Through all the questions and emotions, there are 3 things I know for sure:
1. I serve an incredible, perfect, wonderful God that already knows the plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and I live in wonderment of Him daily.
2. I can't wait to meet this little God-created wonder that is growing inside me.
3. I am truly blessed.

2009-04-15T12:39:00.002-05:00

63 Things

2009-04-08T08:41:00.004-05:00

Like my friend Laura, I am SO overdue for a post. While there is a lot going on in my life (baby-wise) it's hard to formulate my thoughts into a blog today (is that called pregnancy brain?). Yesterday we were 21 weeks pregnant and on Saturday Jason was able to feel the baby kick for the first time! It was pretty incredible (kind of felt more like a rolling marble than a kick but it was still amazing). We have yet another sonogram next Wednesday so I'll post some pics next week. We still don't want to know the sex of the baby but each time we have a sonogram our desire to KNOW increases. So, we'll see what we decide next week. If we find out, anyone who knows me can trust that I won't be able to keep it a secret for long so watch my blog!

Ok, now to the 63 things. I have never been one to like forwards...with one exception: get to know you forwards like this one called "63 Things". I always learn something new about my friends when I read them. When I fill them out myself, often fun memories come up that I had placed in the back of my mind. So, it's fun. Not sure I'll have much time to do these once Baby W arrives, so I thought I'd take advantage now....enjoy!!

1. Song that always makes you sad? Butterfly kisses
2. Last thing you bought? croisson'wich from Burger King (kind of feeling sick now)
3. Last person you argued with? Jason
4. Do you put Peanut Butter before putting the jelly on? always. If I'm taking the sandwich for lunch, I will put peanut butter on both pieces of bread and jelly in the middle so the sandwich doesn't get soggy. Brilliant, I know! :)
5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? I don't know that they really had names but I did have a ton of them. I even had one of those stuffed animal hammocks that hung in the corner of the room. That was the best!
6. Did you ever own at one time a NSync Cd? nope (sorry, Laura!!)
7. Favorite day of the week? Friday night
8. Favorite Sundae topping? caramel
9. Did you take Piano lessons? no...wanted to, though
10. Most frequent song played? no one song in particular
11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? can't think of any that are a secret but I do love reality shows!
12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? neither...Monopoly, anyone?
13. Date someone older or younger? Jason, so older :)
14. One place if you could travel right now? Italy, anywhere
15. Do you use umbrellas? yes
16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? nope
17. Favorite Cheese? brie (which I can't have right now because I'm prego). I love all of the fancy cheeses that I can't eat :(
18. Disturbed or My Chemical Romance? sounds like mental illness so neither :)
19. Do you prefer rain or shine? I like both but I don't like to be hot so I guess I'll choose rain
20. Best job you ever had? the one I have now by FAR!! Christian Disc Jockey would be in second place
21. Did you go to your high school prom? yes, with the cutest boy in school I might add!!
22. Perfect time to wake up? anytime later than 7:00
23. Perfect time to go to bed? 10:30
24. Do you use your queen right away in chess? no way, she stays put until absolutely necessary!
25.Ever been in a car accident? yes
26. Closer to mom or dad...or neither? that's like "who do you love more, your son or your daughter".
27. What has been your favorite age so far? 31
28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? I liked the 90's. I wouldn't want to be a teen nowdays, though!
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? jellies
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
31. Were you in track and field? not even close!
32. Were you ever in a school talent show? ummm...I don't think so. Spelling bee---got second place in the 4th grade against 6th graders. Lost on word mayonnaise!!
33. Have you ever written in a library book? NO!
34. What are you allergic to? cats, dogs, dander in general...even allergic to my own dog and I can't take allergy medicine right now other than Benedryl which makes me sleeeeepy
35. Favorite fruit? all of them!
36. Have you watched sex and the city? nope
37. Baseball hat or toque? neither
38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? shampoo (work from head to toe)
39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? wet, dry is gross to me
40. Pen or pencil? I really appreciate a good #2 pencil...otherwise I use a gel ink pen
41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? yes
42. Have you thrown up on a plane?. nope
43. Have you thrown up in a car? nope
44. Have you thrown up at work? LOTS recently
45. Do you scream on roller coasters? nope
46. Who was your first prom date? I can't remember his name but he was the cutest boy in the school...did I already say that :)
47. Who was your first roommate? Candice
48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? a mix of everything I found in my parent's liquor cabinet...GROSS!! Oh, wait, it says "drunk". I wasn't drunk but it was still gross!!
49. What was your first job? Gambino's Pizza
50. What was your first car? 1982 Toyota Corolla Tercel with an in-dash 8-track player. I was SO cool with my Cat Scratch Fever 8-track. Oh yea, baby!
51. When did you go to your first funeral? high school (9th grade), friend committed suicide. It was traumatizing
52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 18
53. Who was your first grade teacher? can't remember her name
54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Asia (very first trip!!)
55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I was VERY crazy...I snuck out the front door to the end of my drive way to meet a neighbor boy.
56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? Candice Jellison and no
57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? Manhattan, KS-dorms (West Hall)
58.Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Jason
59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? oh my, I think my memory's going!!
60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? pet Izzy and speak in lisp :)
61. What was the first concert you attended? Poe. It was awesome. Right after I got my belly button pierced!
62. First tattoo or piercing? ears
63. First celebrity crush? Kirk Cameron! I was a member of his fan club. sigh

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-11T16:11:00.007-05:00

Baby Turnip

2009-03-10T12:31:00.007-05:00

You've heard the old saying, "Cute as a turnip", right? No? Well, today Baby W is the size of a turnip and I imagine that's ONE CUTE TURNIP. :)

I have so much going on right now (mostly in my mind) that I find it hard to focus on one blog. So, in a very Laura-ish-type-of-way, I'm going to post my random thoughts for today. Enjoy!

1. My baby is the size of a turnip and I don't like turnips.

2. Jason and I found a crib we love. We were getting ready to order it and then found out that it is not currently in stock (and they don't know when it will be back in stock). We loved it so much that we're finding it hard to like any others. I tried to post a picture of it but couldn't figure out how to put the picture exactly where I wanted and got a little annoyed. You can check it out if you want: http://www.jcpenney.com/ and type in "Sweet Pea Modern Crib". What do you think? Cute as a turnip, right? :)

3. I think, if it's possible, that Jason is starting to nest. He's been doing tasks around the house nightly and appears to have a specific list of things he wants to get done each night. If only I was so motivated!! Last night he swept the entire house (not to mention the past three days of caring for me while I've been sick). I'm certain he will be a great dad!!

4. Recent cravings: Ruffles with French Onion Dip (must be Ruffles and must be Dean's French Onion Dip), chicken sandwiches from Burger King, chocolate ice cream, watermelon, and cereal. Random, I know, but I thought it would be perfect for this blog.

5. I have REALLY been wanting to play a good game of Monopoly lately. Anyone in? Jason all but refuses to play Monopoly with me. Something about me getting mad when he wins. Whatever! He KNOWS he's supposed to let me win!! Sheesh.

6. We decided on baby names: William for a boy (we'd call him Will) and Charlie for a girl. Now, we're trying to decide if her name should be Charlotte and we'd call her Charlie or just name her Charlie. Any input? We really love the name Charlotte but would likely never use it (unless she's in trouble---but our children will be perfect angels so that won't be a real concern). :)

7. I love the rain and hope for more.

8. I'm really happy with my life, even though I continually stress about the same things. I'm glad God is in control even though I fight it WAY too often.

9. I absolutely, 100% LOVE the music by Two Seconds Away. Their song of the week this week is called A Thousand Bars and it's so beautifully artsy and thought-provoking. Check it out: http://www.newmusicmonday.com/

Even with all that's going on, that is my limit of things to write about as my lunch time is over. More later!!

lime baby

2009-02-03T15:13:00.002-06:00

12 weeks pregnant today and the baby is the size of a lime. Isn't that amazing?? I've been getting weekly emails from www.babycenter.com telling me about the size and developments of the baby each week (started as a poppy seed and now it's a lime). What's the most incredible to me is that the baby is kicking, it's heart is beating like crazing, and has all of it's major appendages....and it's no bigger than a lime.

Living in daily amazement of Him,

sonogram week 10

2009-01-23T09:08:00.002-06:00

Jason and I went in for our first sonogram yesterday. We are blessed to have insurance that will cover a sonogram this early in the pregnancy! Here are some pictures. The sonogram technician was so nice and printed out several pictures for us! And now....presenting Baby W:

(and Jason and Baby W)

it's a fetus!

2009-01-21T12:13:00.002-06:00

Most people I meet are very excited to find out the sex of the baby. My joy for today is that we are at 10 weeks (and one day) and, according to the many baby websites I frequent, we are past the embryo period and into FETUS LAND!! What a sweet and precious experience to have. Now, not everything I'm experiencing is so preciouos (difficulty sleeping, constant naseau, 4+ trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night, etc). Other things have been fun! For example, on Monday I was craving watermelon like crazy. I fulfilled my baby's wish and got some. It cost $4, was very small, and tasted like celery. Oh how I long for summer produce!! That's my biggest craving and difficult to fulfill in February :)

Tomorrow is our first sonogram! Pray for a clear picture of our little nugget :) I will figure out how to post the picture so you all can share in my excitement!!

Big News!!

2009-01-06T08:22:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been ages since I last posted and I thought it was about time to get back to my blog!! A lot has changed for me and Jason in the past month. On my birthday, we found out we are HAVING A BABY!! We are thrilled, excited, nervous, anxious, joyful, thankful, blessed...all rolled into one big ball of excitement. Today I am 8 weeks pregnant. Since our first go around with pregnancy ended with a miscarriage, we're a little anxious to get to week 12 so keep us in your prayers!!

I was blessed to have been given 12 days of paid time off during the holidays which couldn't have come at a better time...extended time with family to share the news, relaxing time, and loads of sleep (and I do mean LOADS). I slept until 9:30 or 10:00 every morning on my break and took a 2-hour nap every day. Just came back to work yesterday and it's been hard to get through the days without a nap (might take one over my lunch hour today!!).

It's funny how your to-do list grows when you find out you're bringing a new life into your family. Suddenly, there is a fire lit under our butts :) to get our house renovations done, projects completed, etc. At first I thought 9 months was a long time but now that we're already two months pregnant it seems like it's going to fly!

That's all for now. Just wanted to officially post the news!
and baby :)

i've been tagged...

2008-12-09T13:13:00.006-06:00

Here's a little story about Jason and Michelle and our Worl-Wind Adventures...

Meet Jason. He's cute.

Meet Michelle. Pretty cute, I'd say!

Together, Jason and Michelle make for one semi-crazy adventure. Ok, so we're not that crazy but we sure do have fun!

Well, my co-worker tagged me so here I am...writing about the love of my life, my husband (no, my dog is not the love of my life although it might appear that way). So, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce...JASON!

How long married: After dating for 5 months, Jason proposed and we were engaged for 5 months (short, I know). Jason and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary in October. I remember so many details of our wedding day. Some memorable, some emotional, some funny, some surprising. Here are some highlights in each area:

Memorable: THE KISS...so romantic. No details, sorry folks :)

Emotional: Jason and I decided to take the majority of the wedding pictures before the ceremony so we set up a special time for Jas to see me in my dress. I went into a room in the church and my gown was laid out to perfection. I remember being so filled with anticipation. We both cried. Then we exchanged gifts and spent time talking about our soon-to-be marriage. Beautiful moment.

Funny: While we were taking communion as part of the ceremony, our flowergirl thought she should dance to the song that was playing. However, Jason and I did not know it was going on. All we knew was that people were laughing. I remember thinking, "This is a very special time for us, why are people laughing". We were so caught up in the day that we didn't even remember it happening...until we watched the wedding video months later!! That's the funniest thing that happened on our wedding day.

Surprising: When we left for the reception, there was a winding "road" of people gathered with bubbles. When we got to the end of the "road", there was a limo waiting for us from his mom. We had no idea!

How old is he: Jas is 32...1 1/2 years older than me. When he turned 30 he started receiving mail from AARP. Something that continued to make me laugh until I started getting me. AARP? Are you serious??

Occupations: Jason is an Architect and I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist

Taller: Jason. I'm 5'8 and he's 6'0 (well, he's 5'11 1/2" but we call it 6'0)

Who can sing the best: Me, definitely :)

Smarter: It's a toss :) We're just different kinds of smarts. Jason's really good at math and I'm gud at english :)

Laundry: It's shared. Used to be me, but when I started my Master's program, Jason did 100% of the laundry. Now, he hauls everything up and down the stairs and I fold and hang/put away. It's definitely 50/50 although I say I have the better end of the deal. ALTHOUGH...I'm in charge of all dry cleaning so I guess we really are even.

Paying bills: That would be Jason. Although, I try to know what's going on, the program he uses is pretty detailed (although he says it's really easy). I like to leave that to him :)

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Maybe we're the only couple, but this doesn't matter to us. Last night I slept on the right side, the night before he did. No big deal.

Mows the lawn: Jason, although I've been known to work a weed-wacker now and again.

Cooks dinner: Usually me. Jason knows his way around the kitchen but I really do like to cook. Although, I lost my knack during the Master's program. It's amazing that Jason didn't starve to death during that time. When we were dating, Jason cooked for me often. I can't remember a single time that he ruined a dish. Me on the otherhand, OH YEA!! I like to experiment with dishes I've never made. Too many examples to give. I did learn early on that if I mess up a meal we get to eat out. I may or may not have ever ruined a meal on purpose :)

Who's the first to admit they are wrong: We are both pretty good at this one.

Who kissed first: Jason kissed me first. It was around Christmas time and the first time he had come to my parent's home. We went out on a date and then he dropped me off and kissed me---RIGHT IN THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE FOR ALL TO SEE. A little awkward but sweet. Then, after we were engaged I thought it would be nice to not kiss until our wedding day. Did it happen, you ask? I don't think so :)

Who wears the pants: We each wear a leg :) We always discuss major decisions. If we disagree we try to compromise. Isn't always a smooth process and sometimes leads to a "discussion".

That's it...that was pretty long which is why it's taken me a more than two weeks to get to it! Now, I'm going to tag Eeka and Schmendy. Have fun, ladies! I look forward to reading your posts!

it's been a busy week...

2008-11-19T16:45:00.003-06:00

Last Thursday morning at 3am, myself and two co-workers headed to Chicago for a conference about Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). The conference was good. Of course, there were some unusual "experiences" along the way. Here are the highlights from each day:

Thursday: We took the Amtrack train to Chicago because it saved a lot of money and we thought it would be fun. Turns out that depends on your definition of "fun". If having a stewardess whop you with a pillow to the head and having loud announcements that breakfast will be served at 6:30 am after just falling asleep is your idea of fun, this this is for you! It was a 12-hour ride to Chicago and overall very exhausting. We arrived in Chicago at 3:30 pm, checked into our very nice hotel room, and had a nice dinner out.

Friday: Conference day. The presenter was Richard Schwartz. For those of you that completed the MFT program at Friends, he is THE Schwartz from our original Nichols and Schwartz text. Pretty cool, I thought. He spoke about Internal Family Systems and we were hooked. It's a great model and if left me wanting more....hence the three books I bought :)

Friday was my favorite day. I had left instructions with those at work that if I received a letter in the mail to call me immediately as it was likely to be my test results. Leasha called on Friday and told me that I had PASSED MY EXAM AT A CLINICAL LEVEL and am now a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist!! I'm VERY excited!!

Saturday and Sunday: More conference...some sessions were great, others not so great. Overall, I'm very blessed to have been able to go. It's was most exciting that the conference was in Chicago!! One of my favorite cities although I wouldn't want to live there---I'm a Kansas girl through and through! We did some shopping at night and ate at some terrific restaurants. Walked about a million miles which was a great balance to all the yummy food we splurged on!

Monday: Attended part of a session and then packed up to head back to Kansas. Highlights of the trip back: kids smoking pot in the bathroom, no Amtrack staff in sight during the majority of our 12-hour trip, the lady that smacked one of us in the head with a pillow was working, and two people making out next to us.

Needless to say, if I was to write a full Amtrack review, it would not be good. Not only did we have some pretty gross encounters, Amtrack has absolutely no security measures. We were never asked for ID's except at the very beginning of the trip to Chicago, none of our luggage was scanned, etc. I now take back any bit of frustration I have had in the past with airlines and their many security measures taken.

anyone else find this disturbing???

2008-11-12T11:36:00.005-06:00

It was a normal Sunday afternoon and I was rumaging through the Sunday paper looking for good deals. I love decorating with snowmen at Christmas so this Gordman's ad caught my eye. Can you see what I found disturbing?

random day, random thoughts...

2008-11-05T11:45:00.006-06:00

I realized it's been a while since I've posted. I don't have a lot to blog about so I thought I'd share a random thoughts list, Looney-style. Here they are:

#1. I can't wait for the colder weather to emerge. Don't get me wrong, warm is nice but I'm ready for sweaters, fun socks, mornings that are cold outside but warm under the covers, fresh snow, decorating for Christmas, holiday traditions with family, baking, sledding...bring on the cold!!

#2. Izzy kept wanting to go outside last night. We weren't sure why. She probably went out 3 or more times in the middle of the night (not sure as I was "sleeping" while Jason let her out :) This morning, Jason came to me and said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but there's a dead squirrel on our back porch". Mystery solved. Also notable: there was a long skinny bite on the poor squirrels hip. Note the size and shape of Izzy's snout (long and skinny):

Coincidence? I don't think so.

#3. I made homemade chai tea this morning as I do many-a-morn. Not really noteworthy, but so good I couldn't not post it.

#4. Going to spend the weekend with my mom and dad this weekend and check out the wedding venue and photographers for my sister's wedding. I can't wait!! Izzy's going, too---lots of squirrels around my parent's house so she's super excited now that's she's an official squirrel hunter!

#5. Yesterday was my soon-to-be brother-in-law's birthday. He's a really amazing guy who compliments my sister very well. We're so blessed to have him in our family! What a great addition. If you're reading this, S, happy b-day!

#6. I want to learn to sew.

#7. I should find out the results of my licensing exam this week or next.

#8. I made roast chicken and asparagus and onion risotto for dinner last night even though we didn't get home until 8:30 pm. Pretty amazing, I know!

That's all for now.........................................

5 things I hate to admit...

2008-10-22T08:41:00.002-05:00

Hey, Eeka...this is cool. Similar to another blog I read that posts "Not Me Monday"...I love it! Here's my attempt at my "Five Things"

1. My dog owns nearly as many outfits as I do. Golf pants, luau dress, summer halter dress, mailman outfit, santa outfit...you name it, she's got it. Embarrasing, yes. Cute, yes. Wierd, YES YES YES!!

2. I love scary movies. Many people find them disgusting and can't believe someone would waste their time watching these flicks. Well, I like them. So there.

3. Our kitchen has been in the process of a makeover for 2+ years. The wallpaper is ripped off. When people come over, I tell them it's an "old world look"...but, really...it's just unfinished.

4. Sometimes in the morning, in an effort for those last 15 minutes of sleep, I convince my hubbie to shower first and I promise to make lunches. Instead, while he's showering I'm dozing :) As soon as the shower shuts off, I run frantically to the kitchen to make lunches. It's a fun little dance we do. I pretend he doesn't know I do this but...let's be honest, he does :) He's such a sport!

5. I love the smell of garlic on my fingers after cooking with it. What I find strange is the number of products out there designed to remove the smell from your hands (stainless steel bars, etc). After dinner, hubbie catches me with my fingers up to my face, just stiffing away. I think I have a problem :)

Eeka, this was fun...I'd like to tag Dani and Dannon :)

from Whiskey Tango to Martha Stewart...

2008-10-21T08:26:00.006-05:00

I couldn't wait until the house was completely finished to post some pics of it. As my co-worker noted, we have gone from Whiskey Tango (blue house with yellow trim) to Martha Stewart (slate gray with white trim). We absolutely love it! Now we need to work on the front yard...

favorite thing #2

2008-10-16T11:41:00.007-05:00

I thought I'd start blogging about my favorite things. I got this idea from a page I read periodically (http://www.1000awesomethings.com/) For a website it is, well...awesome. Anyways...for fellow Wichitans, I wanted to share my new favorite restaurant. Any time I get a chance to go out for lunch, I take a short drive to Sugar Sisters Bakery. It is a new-ish local bakery located just east of College Hill on Central that serves breakfast, lunch, dinner, and everything in between. I couldn't even start listing the items on the menu that are my favorite because they are all so good.

Today I tried the three-cheese quiche. You're lucky I snapped a picture half-way through because it didn't last long! It came with an equally delish mixed green salad with homemade ranch. YUM-O! You have to try it out! You can check out their blog (see my blog list). So, that's my favorite thing #2. Stay tuned for favorite #3!

one of my favorite things...

2008-10-03T09:12:00.008-05:00

I have a new favorite recipe I received from my soon-to-be brother-in-law. If you like Chai tea, you will absolutely LOVE this recipe. I will be honest...I thought about keeping the recipe to myself but I just can't. This recipe is SO much better than Starbucks Chai Tea Latte (and that's saying a lot because I really enjoy a good Starbucks drink!). Jason and I have gotten into the habit of making it each morning to take to work with us. See the picture...doesn't last long!! Let me know if you try it and what you think!

Recipe for Chai Tea (makes 2 cups…double as needed)

1 whole clove
1 whole cardamom pod
1 tea bag (I use Luzianne)
8 whole fennel seeds
1 slice of ginger
1 cup water
1 cup milk
1 ½ - 2 tablespoons sugar or Splenda

If you buy a mesh tea ball it makes for much less clean up when making the tea! You can put the clove, cardamom pod, fennel seeds, and ginger in the tea ball before placing it in the water.

Directions:

Place in pan: whole clove, cardamom pod, tea bag, fennel seeds, ginger, and water. Bring water to boil. Let boil for approx. 5 minutes. Add milk and sugar (or Splenda). Stir continuously and watch very closely…as milk heats up it will begin to boil and will boil over the side of the pan. As the milk starts to rise, remove immediately from heat.

If you did not use a mesh tea ball, strain spices and enjoy.
If you did use a mesh tea ball, simply remove and enjoy.

it's here...finally!

2008-09-25T09:33:00.004-05:00

Well, Jason and I received word on Tuesday that our Prius had arrived. After a VERY LONG 20 week wait, we are now the proud owners of a new 2009 Toyota Prius. In fact, I drove to work today on very little gas (99.9 miles per gallon for most of the trip). It's amazing! Although being a one-car family can be difficult at times, it's worth it for the effect we'll have on the environment. Just another step towards making our environmental footprint a little lighter :)

happy birthday, Tiffany...

2008-09-05T11:16:00.003-05:00

"Life's truest happiness is found in frienships we make along the way".

To my beautiful, brilliant, creative, lovely, and kind friend, Tiffany: may the next year of your life be as plentiful, as joyful, and as full of dancing as the last "29ish" combined.

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Michelle

things i do for fun...no explanation needed :)

2008-08-28T12:11:00.002-05:00

weekend in the little apple...

2008-08-27T11:53:00.007-05:00

Well, the Kearney Girl weekend has come and gone. We experienced so many fun things...with many ideas from a KGH (Kearney Girl Hubbie)...thanks, T! Other than fun adventures, the funny quotes, MANY foods that brought back memories, the day on campus, and the crazy scavenger hunt, I'd have to say the very best time for me was Saturday night when we all hung out and talked (although the topic was different that we would have planned :), I enjoyed the sounds of our voices all together in the same room again...well, almost all of our voices together :( I have SO missed these girls who are all so very special to me. These are the most special (and rarest) of friendships...those that remain heart-connected despite the physical distance. I love you all so much and am already anticipating next year (maybe in Seattle???). Love you all!

Here are some pics if you haven't seen them on the other blogs...

4 of the KG's in front of THE Kearney House. We actually were able to go inside and see what it looks like now...should probably be condemned :)

The beginning of our busy Saturday on (and around) campus.
One of the challenges given: Attempt to pre-pay for 10 cents of gas (we tried 17 cents). Apparently 17 cents of gas will

"only get ya' a squirt"

---that's probably my favorite quote from the weekend...

although there were SO many!!

Schmend...so pretty :)

therapy for a therapist?

2008-08-13T10:32:00.001-05:00

Well, I started seeing a therapist last week. I know it sounds kind of strange for a therapist to see a therapist, but I'm finding that it's really beneficial. I've been blessed with amazing insurance that provides nearly a year of therapy for only a minimal fee each week! I'll be addressing past childhood traumas that have left me with a lifetime of unhealthy coping skills. It will take time but it will be worth the work in the end!

On another note, I CAN'T WAIT FOR KEARNEY WEEKEND only 9 days away! I can't believe it. Fun times await!

family weekend...

2008-08-05T10:29:00.000-05:00

We spent the past weekend with family celebrating Jason’s 32nd birthday!! It was HOT, but fun. Weekends with my family ALWAYS involve board games. To be a part of our family, you must enjoy playing games. If you don’t, there are other ways of being initiated in, but they are not pleasant :)

The summer is definitely getting away from us. I can't believe it's already August! Between now and the end of October we have plans every weekend! Gone are the summers of my youth when I enjoyed catching fireflys, swimming, and hide-n-seek!

time time has come...

2008-08-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

My licensing exam is less than two months away and I haven't started studying!! I just put my study materials in notebooks and am planning to start this weekend. This picture doesn't really do justice to the 600+ pages of study materials I have!

That's all for now. Just wanted you all to know what's going on in my world :)

Beautiful Christian Sister

2008-07-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

I used to be a pretty strong advocate for stoppping useless forwards...that is, until I started receiving the funniest emails ever from friends. "Best 'Out of Office' Messages" , "Christmas Carols for the Disturbed", "Things You'd Like to Say Outloud At Work", and "Dog and Cat Diaries" remain at the top of my forwarded email list. In fact, there have been so many that I have just loved that I've made a folder in my Outlook titled "Funny Emails".

Well, today I received the most beautiful forward that put all of the funny forwards to shame. I wanted to share it with all of my sisters. Enjoy!

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER

by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ

that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''

I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Analogy Anyone?

2008-07-24T12:52:00.000-05:00

So, I've decided that I definitely like Blogger over MySpace. I love that I can view one person's page and see their friends pages...it's basically spying, but legal :) After seeing all of the fun blogs, my creative juices have started flowing...and I realized...I don't like the title of my blog. I want something catchy...like SappShots or Class-En-Session. So clever!

Somehow, I found myself distracted (imagine that!!) and on a page that has nothing to do with blogs. These are so funny that I can't help but share:

The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

The Wichita Riverwalk

2008-07-15T17:53:00.001-05:00

And the winner is...

2008-07-15T17:39:00.001-05:00

Actually, this blog has nothing to do with the title. I just had that phrase in my head for whatever reason and decided that it would make for a nice blog title. I'm feeling a little hyper today if you can't already tell...which means I'll probably be writing about a number of random topics :)

Today's blog is my attempt to continue staying connected...so, here I am!! Let's see...today I have avoided the gym (today's excuse: Izzy is sick). I have had car trouble (battery crud build up = $107.43). I have written an article about marriage for our work newsletter (basically I wrote about the importance of self-development within the marriage-taking time for yourself, etc). That's about it. It' s a late work night so I'm just taking a break from the daily grind to give you an update.

My parents and Jason's mom are all coming in town this weekend. Jason and his mom are going to play golf while my parents and I are out on the town. Should be a pretty fun weekend!!

Jason and I are still waiting on our Toyota Prius to arrive. Only 8 more weeks!

Let's see...I think that's it for now, blog friends. I'm hoping to connect to my Kearney girls and get a date set for a weekend getaway to Man-happiness before summer's end...maybe I'll look into some options and email everyone :)

For now, Michelle out.

Michelle : Part One

2008-07-11T13:11:00.000-05:00

Hello, blogger-land! Well, I’m here 80% by free will and 20% by force from “friends” J Well, since this is my first blog, I should probably introduce myself and what I’ve been doing for the past few years. Let's start at the very beginning, shall we?

I grew up just outside of a big town in Kansas...well, as big of a town as Kansas makes, anyways! Typical (well, what used to be typical) family life: 2 parents, two siblings...I was the oldest and smartest, of course :) My siblings might disagree but who's blog is this, anyways?? K-12 was rough but I really found my overfunctioner self in college as I involved myself in many-an-activity. I think at one time I was working 4 part-time jobs and involved with 4 organizations on campus. That might explain the 1.2 GPA . I chose to take a break from my college career for a while (aka I was academically dismissed from the university). Although I didn’t finish my college career at that time, I did make lifelong friends with the Kearney Girls…I’m sure there will be more on them later (what fun times, huh girls?). Well, fast-forward a forward a few years and I met my sweetheart. Jason and I married only 10 months after we met. After Jason finished his undergraduate degree, I went back to college and graduated with an undergraduate degree in Psychology (and a 4.0 GPA, I might add .) Marriage has not been without trials, but I truly believe that with every trial comes great opportunity. I have realized that although marriage is not always rose-colored glasses, that it is by far the best thing in life. To share your life with a partner that understands (for the most part) who, what, when, where, why, and how you do the things you do is priceless. Through my personal life experiences, I was led to begin my graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I have recently graduated and could not have done it without the support of amazingly supportive family, incredibly resilient friends, and my husband (whom words cannot describe). Just months ago I was working 40 hours per week, seeing clients 15+ hours per week, paperwork, homework, housework...now that I'm finished with my MSFT degree, I'm finding that I have a LOT of spare time on my hands...and no excuse for not staying in contact with my long-lost friends!! I have a number of plans for the next year which include house renovations, going GREEN (recycling, healthier lifestyle, buying a Prius, etc), and hopefully starting a family with my hubbie. Thank you for taking this journey with me...I can't assure how smooth the ride will be so hold on tight!!